


lead me to your door

by woodchoc_magnum



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bad dates, Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Coming Out, Dating, Getting Together, Happy Ending, M/M, Oblivious Evan "Buck" Buckley, POV Evan "Buck" Buckley, Pining, Soft Eddie Diaz, supportive firefam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:28:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27433546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/woodchoc_magnum/pseuds/woodchoc_magnum
Summary: In which Buck tries to throw himself back into the world of dating only to discover that everything is terrible, and Eddie is as supportive as he can be whilst pining after his best friend.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 105
Kudos: 628





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Happy election! Something to take your mind off the never-ending vote counting (though maybe I'll post this and they'll announce a winner - best case scenario!).
> 
> I felt like writing from Buck's POV and this is what happened - not so much angst as Buck slowly figuring out who has been right in front of him the whole damn time. I hope you enjoy!

Amazing cover art by [Ronordmann](https://ronordmann.tumblr.com) ❤❤

* * *

Buck always had the starkest revelations in the shower, when he was lost in thought, standing under the hot spray. Often it was about something dumb – the phrase was "for all intents and purposes", not "for all intensive purposes," though thank god they sounded similar enough that nobody had ever realised what he was saying – but occasionally he'd have a real and sobering thought, like, _it's been three years since I spoke to my sister_ , or, _I think I might like guys as well as girls._

It was in the showers at work that he was hit with the realisation, out of nowhere, that it had been over a year since he'd had sex or kissed someone.

Thinking about it in terms of the length of time made it all the more alarming. How could a year have passed with him being single, relatively happy, and not feeling like he was missing out on something? He hadn't had Tinder on his phone since before Ali – hadn't been to a bar with the thought of hooking up with someone either. He'd been to bars, but usually with his friends, and none of those visits had ended in him taking someone home for sex.

"Buck," Eddie said from the stall next to him, shattering his train of thought. "Give me your shampoo." A soapy hand reached over the top of the stall and Buck wordlessly handed him the bottle, leaning against the wall, looking down at himself contemplatively.

He was a good looking guy – he knew that. He saw the appreciative looks men and women gave him; he wasn't immune to it. And he noticed men and women as well, here and there.

It was like once he made the decision that he wanted something more meaningful than a one nightstand, his willingness to meet new people plummeted. He'd been burned before, after all, and he wanted to stay away from hook-up culture as much as he could.

But… maybe he'd veered too far in the other direction. To think that he hadn't really looked at anyone as a potential love match in a year was a little sobering. Was there something wrong with him?

No – he would just have to stop being afraid, that was all. He was going to have to dip his toe back into the dating pool, and that meant… dating apps. He'd have to become reacquainted with his old best friend, Tinder.

"Here," Eddie said, the shampoo appearing at the top of the stall again. "Are you alive in there?"

"Yep," Buck said with a chuckle, taking the bottle from him.

"Just checking. You're not whistling like you usually do." Buck heard Eddie shut his water off.

"You want me to? I thought it drove you nuts." Buck rinsed the last of the soap off his body and turned his shower off as well, grabbing his towel from the hook near the door.

"Only when you get stuck on a certain melody and whistle it over and over and over again," Eddie complained. "Meet you in the locker room."

"Yep." Buck dried himself off, pondering his single life. There was something a little exciting about the thought of getting back out there and meeting some new people, going on some dates – he'd spent the last year hanging out with Eddie and Christopher, and he was sure they were sick of him by now. Eddie had never said anything – and Buck had no doubt that he would, if it was really bothering him – but still.

Dating could be a fun new adventure, so long as he was selective, and actually tried to go on dates rather than just picking up people for sex. He would just have to be a little more discerning than he was _before_ , that was all.

With that in mind, he wrapped the towel around his waist and went into the locker rooms to change into his casual clothes. Eddie had his back to him, buckling his belt, and Buck was pulling on his shirt when he heard Eddie say, "Coming over tonight, man?"

Throwing himself into dating didn't mean he had to give up spending time with his two favourite guys, so he replied, "Yeah, sure. Want me to stop off and grab some food?"

"Nah, we'll order pizza." Eddie glanced over his shoulder at him with a grin. "You can pick the movie."

"Good deal." Buck grabbed his phone from the top of his locker and sat down on the bench, checking his messages. There were a couple from Maddie, but that was about it – he'd spent all day with his closest friends, so there was no need for texting.

Another sobering thought. He had no friends outside of work. Was that normal?

"You okay?" Eddie asked him as he tied his shoelaces, arching his eyebrows with concern. "You're quiet."

Buck nodded, and flashed him what he hoped was an easy smile. "I'm fine."

"I know that last call was a bit rough—"

"We don't have to talk about it; I'm all good." Buck stood, pocketing his phone, and grabbed his jacket out of the locker. It was a car crash – a head on collision between a brand new Range Rover and an older model Mercedes. The Mercedes hadn't fared well at all, and its two occupants – an elderly couple – had died at the scene.

He sensed that Eddie was still watching him, and glanced over his shoulder. "Ready to go?"

Eddie smiled at him. "Yep. I'll see you at home."

~

Eddie often referred to his house as 'home' even though it wasn't – not for Buck, at least, though he certainly felt like it was from time to time. After all, he'd helped Eddie sand and repaint the walls over summer; he'd been right there when they fixed the rickety back steps, and he'd gone up onto the roof on numerous occasions to help clear the gutters.

If Eddie needed help, Buck was there.

As he drove the familiar route, following Eddie's taillights, he wondered if it was odd that he had no real friends outside of his work colleagues; that he spent all of his spare time with his best friend and his son, and that he was content with his life. He wasn't restless or searching for something more; he wasn't desperate for company – he liked how things were. In fact, he was pretty positive that not a day had gone by in the last six months that he and Eddie hadn't been together in some form or another, whether at work or outside of it.

That thought made him feel suddenly guilty – was he intruding on Eddie's life? Taking up time he could be spending with Christopher? Eddie was the best dad Buck had ever known, and he was beginning to feel like he was crowding them. Were they taking pity on him?

Buck pulled up behind Eddie at a set of lights – he could continue straight, and follow Eddie to his house, or he could turn right and be at his apartment, alone, leaving Eddie to spend the night with Christopher. Quality time together, like they both deserved.

When the light turned green, Eddie went straight, and Buck turned right. Ten seconds later, his phone rang, and he answered it through Bluetooth. "Hey."

"What's wrong?" Eddie asked with concern. "You're not coming home?"

A little white lie wouldn't hurt. "Honestly dude, I was feeling a bit off when we were leaving, and now my stomach is really churning. I'm going to take a raincheck, all right?"

"Anything I can do to help?" Eddie asked instantly – god, he was such a good friend. Really, truly, the best friend Buck had ever had in his life.

"No, it's okay. I'll see you at work tomorrow. Give Chris a hug for me."

"Okay," Eddie agreed. "Text me if you need anything, and to let me know how you're going. Okay?"

"Sure thing, bud. See you tomorrow." Buck ended the call, feeling guilty as shit.

He went home, letting himself into his quiet, empty loft, dimming the lights low. On nights when he wasn't feeling his usual, happy self, he liked to take a seat on the balcony and just gaze out at the city. Thinking of the millions of people who lived there made him feel less alone; less insignificant.

It was out on the balcony that he downloaded Tinder and set up his profile. He briefly considered downloading Grindr and decided against it – that was a slippery slide into dangerous territory, and he would try to avoid that for now. The last thing he wanted was to find himself in Buck 1.0 territory and start sleeping with anyone who paid him the slightest bit of positive attention. He had to remind himself that he didn't need that kind of validation, that dating didn't automatically mean he had to have sex with someone, and that he was older and wiser – more discerning. A better judge of character, hopefully.

It was time to put himself back on the market, to stop bothering Eddie and Christopher and hopefully find someone who wanted something _real._ Kind of a tall ask in Los Angeles, but he was going to give it a go.

~

In the end, it wasn't an app that scored him a date – it was a simple matter of being in the right place at the right time, specifically checking his mail before he left for work. He was sorting between junk and bills when the door opened, and one of his newer neighbours stepped into the mail room, holding her key. She'd only been living in the building a couple of months – he recalled seeing her and her roommate coming and going from time to time.

"Morning," she greeted him with a smile – she had shoulder length dark brown hair, soft and curly; brown eyes and full lips, and the most interesting nose he'd ever seen – kind of pointed, but it gave her face character. "You live down the hall from us, right? I'm Jenny."

"Nice to meet you officially," he said with a grin. "Evan Buckley, but everyone calls me Buck. You guys liking the building?"

"Yeah, so far, but the lady next door to us is… uh…" Jenny trailed off with a grimace. "Um… kinda intense."

"Oh, you have to be talking about Carol," he replied, tossing his junk mail into the recycling bin. "Yeah, she thinks she's the manager of the whole building. She yelled at my friend Eddie once for parking in a handicap spot, but had to eat her words when Eddie's son walked past her on his crutches."

Jenny's eyes gleamed with mischief. "I wish I'd been there to see that."

"Me too." Buck smiled at her again – she was pretty. _Really_ pretty. "Nice to finally put a name to a face."

"Yeah, you too. My friend and I have a bet about you," she said, tilting her head to the side, playing with a strand of hair. "Police officer."

He shook his head. "Nope. LAFD."

"Oh, damn it! I told her I didn't think it looked like a police uniform." Jenny studied him, and then said, "That's way better, though."

He laughed. "Is it?"

"Yeah, definitely. You live here alone, right? I've seen you in the gym sometimes."

Buck nodded. "Yep, just me."

"No girlfriend, no… boyfriend?"

"Nope, just me."

Jenny raised her eyebrows hopefully. "Well in that case, I'm going to be brave and bold, a real modern woman – Buck, you want to get a drink with me sometime?"

He laughed, scratching the back of his neck. "Wow, pretty forward."

"Yeah, well, I've been wanting to ask you out ever since we moved in," she replied with a shrug. "I mean, I've seen you around, you're like… super hot and nice, and you always hold the door for people. So I've got a good vibe. Grab a drink with me?"

Buck nodded. "Sure. Just say when and where."

~

They made a date for Friday, his night off, and he decided that he wasn't going to tell anyone about it. Why? Because Hen and Chim would ask him incessant questions, and Bobby would try to offer him sage advice, and Eddie… well, he wasn't sure what Eddie would say, but he didn't want to have the conversation.

However, the date being on a Friday meant that he would have to tell Eddie that he couldn't come over to watch movies, but he left that until Thursday, right at the end of their shift.

"So Chris is talking about wanting to watch Indiana Jones – he's really into Spielberg," Eddie said as they walked out to their cars, rolling his eyes. "Honestly, I regret buying him that movie book."

"The thousand greatest movies of all time?"

"Yeah, now he's ticking them off and says he's going to watch all of them. I'm not watching _Citizen Kane_ , Buck. I'm just not." Eddie unlocked his truck, throwing his bag into the backseat. "So we finish at five – you want to come over around six? I was thinking we'd camp out in the living room."

_Fuck._ Buck hesitated, and Eddie looked over at him sharply. "Yeah, um… I can't come over tomorrow night," he admitted.

Eddie frowned. "Is everything okay? You haven't been over all week. Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no," Buck said quickly, shaking his head. "It's just that this buddy of mine is in town, and I told him we'd catch up over drinks. That's all."

"Oh. Which buddy?" Eddie missed _nothing_ , never had; never would.

"A guy from college." Buck opened the back door of the jeep and tossed his bag in. "I never told you about him."

"Why not?" Eddie was standing near him determinedly, clearly prepared to stay until he had some answers. "You don't mention your friends very often."

"This guy lives in Baton Rouge now," he lied – _Baton Rouge_? He'd never met anyone from Baton Rouge in his life. "And he's just in town for a bit."

"Baton Rouge," Eddie repeated skeptically. "Okay. Well, Saturday night? We could do it then. Or you could come over now – he's gonna ask me, Buck. Come for dinner?"

Buck let out a laugh, shaking his head, taking a step towards his car. "Eds, I—"

"What are you doing instead?" Eddie demanded. "What's going on? Why don't you want to come over?"

"Ah, it's not that I don't, I just… you know, I feel like I take up all your time, like—"

"You're not taking up my time," Eddie said firmly, advancing on him. "What gave you that idea? Did someone say something to you?"

"Eddie, no," Buck said, holding his hands up. "It's fine. I'm just – I just realised that I'm at your house all the time, and we work together, and I just don't want you guys getting sick of me."

Eddie blinked at him, wrinkling his nose. "Getting sick of you?"

"Yeah, I don't know," Buck muttered, running a hand through his hair. "I just—"

"Why would we get sick of you?" Eddie demanded. "Did I do something wrong? What did I do?"

"No, of course not. You haven't done anything wrong," he said patiently.

"Then… is it Christopher?"

He shook his head emphatically. "No, Eds."

"Did he tell you that he thinks the house is haunted and you don't want to come over because of it? It's not haunted," Eddie insisted. "I'm telling you that it's definitely not haunted."

Buck raised his eyebrows, trying not to laugh. "I feel like I need the story behind this."

Eddie sighed. "He had a nightmare on Thursday – sometimes he still gets them, you know, about the tsunami, but this time he said that the closet door opened. Then he didn't want to sleep in his bedroom – _and then_ when I put him in my bed and went to get him some water, I came back to him trying to call you on my phone. I put a stop to that pretty quickly."

"Why'd he try to call me? What was I going to do? I'm not a ghost hunter."

Eddie shrugged, and then murmured, "You saved him in the tsunami, so… you're the guy he calls for help."

They shared a long look, until Buck swallowed hard, shaking his head. "Well, I just… if you ever need to call me in the middle of the night, you can."

"I thought you put your phone on do not disturb."

"I changed the settings so that if you call, it comes through." Buck smiled at him. "Just in case you need me."

A flicker of emotion crossed Eddie's face, and he stepped closer again, gazing at Buck imploringly. "Are you sure everything is okay? You'd tell me if you needed me, right? Like…" he dropped his voice low, glancing around to make sure they were still alone. "If you were struggling with something, you'd tell me. I could help."

Buck said patiently, "This show of concern is very flattering but Eddie, honestly, I'm fine."

"I just think you're hiding something."

"I'm not!"

Eddie stepped closer again, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "You've been quiet at work, too. What's going on? You have to tell me what's going on."

"Oh my god, you're being ridiculous," he complained, as Chimney strolled out of the building.

"Trouble in paradise?" he called to them, a devilish grin on his face. "Lover's quarrel?"

Eddie heaved a frustrated sigh, turning to him. "No, does it look like it?"

"Kinda, yeah," Chimney teased.

Buck took the opportunity to slide into his jeep, turning the key in the ignition. Eddie whipped around when the car started, looking bewildered. "Buck!"

"I'll see you tomorrow," Buck said, waving to him out the window. "Have a good night."

"Buck!" Eddie shouted, practically stomping his foot on the pavement. "What the fuck?"

Buck reversed out of his parking spot, waving as he drove away. As infuriated as Eddie surely was, he wasn't going to give up that easily. So Buck called him as he was driving home, and when Eddie answered and instantly began demanding answers, he said, "Listen to me, Eddie. Calm down."

"I am calm." He wasn't calm.

"Listen – I need to stop living vicariously through you and Christopher," he said, and Eddie fell silent. "I'm spending all my time with you guys and it's not fair, and I'm never going to meet anyone or have my own family if I just keep following you two around everywhere. So I'm not going to come over as much. We need to meet other people, you know? We can't just only be together. I can't give you what you want."

There was a pause, and then, "What do I want?"

"Someone who loves Christopher as much as I do, but, you know, a woman," Buck replied, turning onto his street. "So… that's what I'm thinking."

"You could've talked to me about it," Eddie said unhappily. "What am I going to tell Christopher?"

"I'll come over Saturday and we'll do the movie night," Buck promised. "I just can't tomorrow."

"Because of the guy from Baton Rouge, right," Eddie said dryly. "You could think of a better lie."

"It's not a lie, Eds. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, fine." Eddie hung up first, without saying goodbye, which meant one of two things – he was either going to call back and apologise, or he had something else in mind.

Sure enough, an hour later, as Buck was staring at his fridge and wondering what to have for dinner, the door to his apartment opened and the familiar clacking of crutches on concrete filled the room. "Buck!"

Buck went to meet them, shaking his head good-naturedly at Eddie as he bent over to give Christopher a hug. "Hey buddy! What are you doing here?"

"Dad said it's time for us to come to your house," Christopher said. "Right, Dad?"

"Yep." Eddie was at the kitchen island, setting down two pizza boxes and unpacking a bag. "All right, we got pizzas, we got wings, we got garlic bread and soda for Christopher, and we're watching Indiana Jones," he said, pointedly ignoring Buck, who had Christopher up in his arms. "Let's set up a nest in the living room so we can watch the movie. Blankets, pillows?"

"Upstairs," Buck said, and Eddie nodded, taking the stairs two at a time.

Buck raised his eyebrows at Christopher, who shrugged at him. "I think Daddy missed you," Christopher said in his ear. "I missed you too."

"I'm sorry, buddy. Real life stuff got in the way," Buck replied as he gave him a cuddle.

"Our house is haunted. Did he tell you?"

He laughed. "Yeah, he did."

"I need you to come over and get rid of the ghost."

"I don't think it works like that but I'll… research what to do and do my best, okay?"

Christopher nodded seriously. "Okay. Soon, though."

"Sure thing, buddy. How's school?"

"It's good, but I need your help with my diorama," Christopher replied. "I have to recreate a scene from a book."

Buck lowered him to the ground. "That's specific. What book did you choose?"

Christopher whispered, "That Titanic book you gave me. I want to make the ship."

Buck winced. "Are you sure?" he asked, as Eddie began to descend the stairs. "That seems like a lot of work. When do you have to submit it?"

"It has to be ready by Thursday for the parent-teacher night," Christopher said, smiling up at Eddie, who ruffled his hair as he went past them. "So that we can show off what we made. Can you come over on the weekend and help me?"

"Yeah, sure," Buck agreed. "I was coming over on Saturday for movies, but I could stay the night and help you Sunday morning. Eddie?"

"If you haven't got any other friends from Baton Rouge visiting, sure."

He was a petty, petty man, and Buck gave him a mock-glare, shaking his head. "No, I haven't," he said archly. "I'll be there. But you don't want to build it as sinking, do you?"

Christopher nodded gleefully.

"That's even harder!"

"I'm sure between the three of us we can figure it out," Eddie said, arranging pillows and cushions on the floor. "Besides, Buck – you're the one who started this whole thing. You have to help."

Buck couldn't help but think that maybe Eddie had put Christopher up to it somehow, but he kept that thought private, stepping into the kitchen. "Right. Plates or no plates?"

"No plates!" Christopher shouted, joining his father in the living room.

"No plates." Buck grabbed napkins from the cupboard instead, and some cups, and was arranging everything when Eddie joined him. "You gonna apologise for the ambush?"

"No. If you won't come to me; I'll just come to you." Eddie arched his eyebrows smugly.

"You think you're real smart, don't you, Diaz?"

"Oh, I don't think. I know I am," he replied, tapping his forehead. "And I know you're lying to me. I'm going to figure you out."

"I'm not lying to you," Buck lied, carrying a bundle of stuff to the living room. "You're so damn suspicious."

"Yeah, well… when you start acting differently, I notice."

~

Buck wasn't sure when he fell asleep during the movie, but when he awoke it was dark – the TV was off, Christopher was curled up beside him, but Eddie was awake, sitting up, moonlight illuminating his face.

"What time is it?" Buck whispered, reaching out to touch his arm. "When did I fall asleep?"

"About half an hour in. I figured you needed it." Eddie slid down a little, tucking a cushion under his head. "It's after eleven."

"You guys should head off then," Buck said through a yawn. "He's got school."

"Maybe we just stay. Is that all right? We'll leave early in the morning." Eddie brushed his fingers through Christopher's hair affectionately. "Are you going to tell me the truth now?"

Buck let out a breathy laugh. "God, you're transparent. You bring your kid over here to make me feel guilty, all so you can figure out what's going on with me."

"What is going on with you?" Eddie asked pointedly. "You don't usually lie to me. I mean, if you are just feeling like you're crowding us, I'm happy to reassure you that you're not."

Buck shrugged. "I don't know… I feel like you wouldn't tell me if you were bothered by me."

"I'm never bothered by you." Eddie's voice was low and serious. "Ever."

"That's not true. I know I'm a lot." Buck turned on his side, trying to find a comfier position. Christopher let out a sigh and moved closer to him, curling his fingers in Buck's shirt.

"Don't say that," Eddie murmured. "I hate it when you talk about yourself like that."

"It's true."

Eddie sighed. "It's not true." He reached down to pull the blanket up and over them, tucking Christopher in. "Tell me what's going on."

"It's nothing," Buck said quietly. "I just thought… I just wanted to keep it to myself, that's all."

"What?" Eddie sounded almost fearful. "You're not thinking of leaving, are you?"

"No! No, of course not. I'm just going to start dating again, Eds. That's all. It's really not that big of a deal."

Eddie let out a trapped breath. "Oh. Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because…" Buck trailed off. "I don't want people talking about me. I just want to try and meet someone special without being scrutinised."

"I wouldn't scrutinise you."

Buck gave Eddie a pointed look that was unmistakeable, even in the dark. "Come on."

Eddie let out a chuckle. "Fair call. But I wouldn't be as bad as Hen or Chim. Or Maddie. Or Bobby, really. Oh god, and Athena. Okay, I see why you're keeping this quiet."

"I don't want to be that cocky kid again, who jumped from fling to fling, you know? I don't want them talking about me. I just want to try to meet someone and maybe make a connection without it being about sex."

"You can talk to me," Eddie suggested. "I'm your best friend."

Buck smiled at him. "Okay. Now you know my big secret."

"And the guy from Baton Rouge?"

"Is a girl who I'm meeting for a drink."

"I knew it," Eddie whispered, and then acquiesced, "Well, I didn't know exactly, but I knew something was up."

"Yeah. So… you good now?"

"Yes, as long as you… just be honest with me, man. You freaked me out. You know how important you are to us." Eddie's voice was barely above a whisper. "And you're coming over on Saturday."

"Yeah, well, I kinda have to; I have to build a sinking ship for your kid's project. Do I at least get an invite to the parent-teacher thing so I can see what kind of competition he's up against?"

Eddie let out a chuckle. "You can come if you want. It'll cause a stir, me bringing someone who isn't Carla."

"Count me in. I'm all for causing a stir." Buck yawned, closing his eyes. "Good night."

"Night, Buck." Eddie's voice was soft.

He could've gone upstairs to his bed, and left Eddie and Christopher in their makeshift bed together, but the thought didn't really cross his mind. They usually slept out in the living room when he stayed at Eddie's house, so it figured that he'd just spend the night with them the way he always did.

Besides, Christopher had a death grip on his shirt and was letting out sleepy snuffles every now and then, so Buck thought it rude to wake him up and leave. He was on the verge of sleep when he thought he felt fingers gently brush through his hair, but rapidly lapsed into sleep, drifting off with a smile on his face.

~

"So," Jenny said, sipping her drink, gazing at Buck with bright eyes. "What made you want to become a firefighter?"

He shrugged – it was a complicated answer, and not one he felt like getting into on their first date. "Uh… I just kinda fell into it. I always liked helping people."

"And like, the adrenaline rush isn't part of it?"

Buck laughed. "It's part of it, sure."

They were at a trendy downtown bar, packed with people. He felt a little out of his element - Jenny looked vastly different to the woman he'd met in the mail room. She was wearing a low-cut black dress with her hair flat ironed around her face, parted in the middle – if he squinted, she looked a little like one of the Kardashians. She wore heavy make-up and had a pair of enormous jangly earrings dangling from ears, and they made an annoying tinkling sound every time she moved her head. Jenny took numerous photos of him, the bar, and them together, and he watched her post them on Instagram, his eyebrows raised skeptically.

There was a part of him that really wished he was watching movies at Eddie's house.

"Do you ever pose for those hot firefighter calendars?" she asked curiously.

He nodded. "I was in last years'."

"Oh, wow, really? Do you get completely naked or just a little naked?"

He laughed again. "I was wearing pants and holding a fire hose."

Jenny's eyes lit up. "Were you? That's hot. So if you hadn't been a firefighter, what would you have done with yourself?"

"I really don't know. What is this, twenty questions or something?"

"No, I'm just curious," she said, twirling a strand of hair around her finger. There was something off about her eyes – her pupils seemed a little dilated. "So like, did they put your Instagram handle in the calendar? Did you get lots of followers?"

He shook his head. "I deleted my Instagram awhile ago; I'm not on it anymore."

"You're not on Instagram?" she repeated disbelievingly. "No way. Everyone's on Instagram! TikTok? Facebook? Twitter?"

"No to all," he replied, leaning back in his seat. "I got rid of my social media."

Jenny looked absolutely horrified. " _Why?_ "

"It doesn't interest me. Not anymore, anyway."

"That's weird," she said bluntly. "No offence."

He tried not to roll his eyes. "None taken."

She tapped her bright pink nails on the table and said, "A hot firefighter like you would do amazingly on TikTok. You've never thought about it? Like, you could set up an OnlyFans—"

"No," he cut in, shaking his head. "Absolutely not."

"But you're so hot dude, and you're like, wasting it on saving people," she said, her eyes widening. "You could be making money off how hot you are."

Buck shook his head. "Let's just—"

"Because I want to be like, Kim Kardashian-famous, you know?" she said confidentially. "Like, I think if I got myself on a reality TV show, I could really be big. You know?"

"Why would you want to do that?" he asked, totally confused.

"To be rich and famous. Why _wouldn't_ I want to do that?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not interested in fame."

Jenny leaned forward and had a big sip of her drink, jiggling up and down in her seat. "I am. I think I'm really cut out for it. And when I do start making some money, I'm going to get my nose fixed and fillers in my lips. You see how thin they are?"

Buck was internally regretting every single life choice that brought him to this point. "Uh huh."

"You could get that ugly birthmark fixed too," she pointed out, reaching over to touch it, but he pulled away. "I mean, doesn't it drive you nuts?"

"No," he replied shortly. "It doesn't."

"I think it really detracts from how handsome you are."

Buck pressed his lips together tightly, nodding. "Okay. So…" he trailed off, watching as she began to bounce in her chair again, bopping her head, moving her hands to invisible music. "Are you okay?"

She grinned, leaned forward and said, "I took a molly before you picked me up. I am _buzzing._ "

Ah, fuck. Buck sat back in his seat, completely unimpressed, glancing at his watch. "You did?"

"Yeah. You want one? Oh my god, sex is amazing on molly. You want to try?" Jenny reached into her purse, ignoring him shaking his head emphatically. "The high is so great, trust me."

"I really can't," he said sharply, reaching across to stop her pulling out drugs in a packed bar. "I'm a firefighter. I have a shift tomorrow, and I get randomly drug tested."

Jenny pouted. "Party pooper. Hey, you're so hot, Buck," she said, leaning forward, her breasts almost spilling out of her dress. "Let's make a TikTok!"

He shook his head. "I think maybe I ought to get you home."

"Ugh, spoilsport," she complained, pulling out her phone again. "My friends are here. I'll hang with them. Thanks for the drink though." She flashed him a smile and stood, striding over to a group of friends in the corner, who all broke into laughter when she pointed to him.

Well, fuck that. Buck stood, throwing a tip on the table, and strode out of the bar. He stood on the street outside and ordered an Uber, as a familiar voice said from behind him, "Tough night?" He turned to find Taylor Kelly with her head tilted to the side, long red hair draped over one shoulder, smirking at him.

Buck rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Yeah."

"Haven't seen you around in a while," she said, stepping up beside him. "You're looking good, Firefighter Buckley."

"You too." He glanced at her, arching an eyebrow. "Still annoying the shit out of everyone you interview?"

She laughed. "Still kinda handsome, kinda dopey, kinda sweet?"

"Fuck off." Buck's Uber was three minutes away. He pocketed his phone, folding his arms across his chest. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I saw you with that girl," she said, shaking her head knowingly. "You've lowered your standards."

"You don't know anything about my standards."

"Mmmhmm, I seem to recall you fucking me up against the wall of a public bathroom," she replied, arching an eyebrow. "Or was that Buck 1.0?"

"Can you not? I feel stupid enough as it is," he complained. "How the hell are you supposed to meet anyone real?"

"Not through Tinder."

"I met her in the mail room at my apartment building, not Tinder."

Taylor grinned. "Real life Tinder. Look, Buckaroo—"

"Don't call me that."

"You're going about this all wrong – you're putting too much pressure on yourself," she said, running a hand along his arm. "What are you doing now? Why don't you get a drink with me?"

"Nah, I'm good," he replied, taking a step away from her. "I'm looking for more than just a hook-up."

Taylor rolled her eyes. "Boring," she said. "You're never going to find what you're looking for in this city. Girls will only want you for one thing."

He scowled at her, shaking his head, as a white Honda pulled up nearby. "That's me. See you around."

"Yeah, sure. Say hi to Eddie for me, would you? That guy is like my biggest fan."

Buck rolled his eyes, climbing into the back of the Uber. He said to the driver, "Hey, can you drop me somewhere different? I can change the address on the app."

"Sure thing man."

Buck gave him Eddie's address and sat back, already regretting his decision to try to start dating again. It was hard to believe the cute and friendly girl he'd met in the mail room was a Kim Kardashian wannabe with a party drug habit. He scrolled through Tinder as they drove through the busy city streets, becoming more and more disheartened with each girl that flashed across his screen – they all kind of looked like Kardashian clones, and that really wasn't something he was into.

How the fuck was he going to meet anyone real?

~

The car dropped him at Eddie's house, and the porch light flicked on as he was walking up the path. Eddie opened the main door, leaning against the doorframe with his arms crossed. "Date ended well, did it?"

"What do you think?" he asked. "I feel like I'm off my game here."

Eddie pushed the screen door open and Buck slipped inside, kicking his shoes off. "You look nice," Eddie commented. "Are you staying? Did you bring any clothes with you?"

"No, I just wanted to talk to you for a bit," Buck replied. "Is Chris in bed?"

"Yeah, but he's still awake. You want to say goodnight?"

Buck nodded. "Yeah, if it's okay."

"Buck?" Christopher called from his room. "Is that you?"

Eddie tilted his head towards the hallway. "Go on. You can read to him while I tidy up."

Buck padded down the hallway and found Christopher waiting for him, a huge smile on his face. "Hey buddy."

"I thought you couldn't come over," Christopher complained. "It's late."

"I know, I'm sorry. Change of plans. Do you want me to read to you?"

"First you have to check for ghosts," Christopher instructed, pointing to the wardrobe. "They're in the closet."

"I'll have a look," Buck replied, putting on a show for Christopher – carefully scrutinising the closet from all angles before throwing the door open and shouting, "Gotcha!"

Christopher giggled from the bed.

Buck did a thorough examination of the wardrobe, found no ghosts, and then closed the door, shaking his head. "It's all clear."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, but – here's the thing about ghosts," Buck said, perching on the edge of the bed beside Christopher. "They're more scared of you than you are of them. I know how brave you are. Ghosts? They've got nothing on you, kid."

"You really think so?" Christopher gazed up at him hopefully.

"For sure." Buck ruffled his hair. "Are we reading now?"

Christopher nodded, holding out a Roald Dahl book. "This one."

" _The Witches_ , huh."

"Yeah, I like it."

"Me too." Buck opened the book and read to him for a while, as Christopher's eyes drooped slowly. When he was soundly asleep, Buck carefully extracted himself from the bed and left the room, flicking the light off on the way out.

Eddie was standing in the kitchen, holding a bottle of whiskey. "You want some?"

He winced. "It's not really my drink."

"It'll put hair on your chest." Eddie poured them each a small glass and added some ice cubes. "Come on."

They went out to the living room and sat on the couch. Buck tucked his leg under himself and sipped the whiskey, grimacing at the taste. "Jesus."

"Yeah, it's good." Eddie smiled at him warmly. "What happened?"

So Buck told him about the date from hell, and the subsequent encounter with Taylor Kelly – not missing the way Eddie's jaw clenched at her very name. When Buck finished, he lifted his shoulders slightly and murmured, "And now I'm here."

"Yeah, you are." Eddie eyed him. "I don't know how to help. I'm really rusty at this."

"I know. I just… I don't have anyone else to talk to," he admitted.

"I'm not saying that," Eddie said instantly, turning to him with concern. "I obviously… like, I want you to come over. I don't want you to go home and feel bad about yourself. That chick tonight, man – you don't want any part of that. But I don't know what to tell you about dating apps or… where to go to meet normal girls. We live in LA. I feel like it's going to be tough."

"Why don't you come with me to a bar? We could be each other's wingmen," Buck suggested, but Eddie was already shaking his head vigorously.

"No. I'll come with you and… try to help, but I don't want to pick up anyone," he said firmly. "I'm not interested in dating."

Buck considered him with a frown. "You haven't been with anyone since Shannon."

"I know. I have Christopher to think about." Eddie wouldn't meet his eyes. "I just can't be selfish. I need to think about what he needs."

"Yeah, but aren't you lonely?" Buck pressed. "Like… don't you miss being with someone?"

Eddie shrugged. "If you're asking me if I'm hard up—"

"No, I'm not, but…"

"You're in the same position," Eddie pointed out. "I'm fine."

"Okay," he said, unconvinced.

Eddie eyed him. "Look, obviously you're hornier than what I am."

Buck laughed. "I'm just… trying to do something about it before I start chafing."

Eddie snorted, giving Buck a shove. "There's lube for that," he said with a grin. "But listen – if you want me to come with you to vet some women, I will."

"Oh, you think your taste is better than mine?" Buck teased.

"One hundred percent," Eddie replied smugly. "That's the Diaz guarantee."

"We'll see." Buck sipped his whiskey, rolling his neck. "You know what she said to me? That I should get my birthmark removed. That it was ugly. Do you think it's ugly?"

Eddie turned to him, his brow furrowed. "No," he said quietly. "I don't. It gives your face character."

"That's what I thought," Buck said, rolling his eyes.

"She's not worth your time. And neither is that Taylor Kelly so don't even think about it."

"Oh my god, you have got to let the Taylor Kelly thing go. It was over a year ago," he complained. "It was an accident."

"Oh yeah, a real accident," Eddie said dryly. "In the bathroom of a bar."

"Hey, you can't talk."

Eddie whipped his head around, eyes narrowed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Buck grinned. "I don't know; I was just trying to turn it back on you. That night with Taylor was probably one of the tamest things I've ever done, to be honest."

Eddie frowned. "Having sex in a bar is tame?"

"Yeah, well. No one saw."

"People have seen you having sex?" he asked, his full attention on Buck. "Seriously?"

"I had a wild youth, Eds," he said with a shrug. "I was in Brazil, I was 21, there were… parties… girls… I'm not proud of it." At a different time in his life he'd worn his sexual prowess like a badge of honour, but now… it all seemed pretty meaningless. And he couldn't help but feel ashamed – Eddie had a strange look on his face, like he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I'm not that guy anymore," Buck offered. "I've changed."

"No, it doesn't matter," Eddie said, clearing his throat. "You know you're more than what you look like, right?"

Buck glanced at him uncertainly. "What do you mean?"

"Well…" Eddie shifted uncomfortably. "You know I hate… I hate having to talk about stuff, right? But… you're… you deserve someone who sees the real you, underneath the… handsome exterior." He hadn't made eye contact with Buck once, practically forcing the words out. "You need to find someone who sees the real you."

"Like Abby did."

"No," Eddie said sharply. "Not like Abby. She seemed like a nice woman, but she got on a plane and ghosted you until you had to break up with her. She didn't know you at all."

"Know me," he repeated, confused.

Eddie sighed, raking a hand through his hair. "You… are terrified of being abandoned, and she did the one thing that… you fear the most. So you might forgive her for that—"

"I don't," Buck cut in. "I didn't forgive her for that. That's not even the thing she apologised for. It was… it was all about her, Eds. She didn't really apologise to me for anything that she did."

"Well, there you go. I'm just saying… anyone who claims that they're in love with you wouldn't have done the thing that you are the most terrified of," he said, and let out a breath. "Can we… we need to change the subject. I'll come with you to a bar and help you pick someone up."

Buck wanted to press him further – clearly there was something under the surface that Eddie wasn't being honest about – but he decided to let it slide. "Okay," he agreed, "as long as you're fun Eddie and not grumpy Eddie."

"I'm not grumpy," Eddie protested.

"You are, and most of the time I think it's funny, but if you're gonna be my wingman you gotta commit."

Eddie heaved a sigh. "Fine."

Buck eyed him, and then murmured, "I can't help but feel like you're worried about me."

"I spend my whole life worried about you," Eddie complained.

~

To Buck's surprise, Eddie was the one who suggested they go out after work one night, and when Hen and Chimney saw them dressing up in the locker room, there were questions.

"You didn't think to invite us?" Hen demanded, folding her arms across her chest.

Chimney had an evil smirk on his face. "No, it's their date night, Hen. Obviously."

"Why are you so obsessed with us, Chim?" Buck asked dryly.

Sensing an opportunity, Eddie added, "Yeah, you're always making little quips and cracks… I mean, I don't know. You're awfully interested in us."

"Don't turn this on me!" Chimney protested. "We just want to know why you two are dressed up like you're going on a date."

Eddie said flatly, "We are. You caught us."

Buck bit back a grin, turning to face his locker as he buttoned his shirt.

"You… are?" Hen asked hesitantly.

Eddie let it linger in the air for a moment, and then snapped, "Of course not! We're going out for a drink. Christopher is with my aunt for the night so we're letting off steam. Is that okay?"

"God, Diaz, you are so damn defensive," Chimney complained. "I mean, if you want to spend extra time with Buck, go for it. It's your life."

"I'm standing right here, and you are dating my sister," Buck reminded him. "I'll call her and tell her you're being a dick to me."

"She won't take your side," Chimney retorted, and then grimaced. "Well… actually, she probably would."

Buck smiled smugly at him. "She definitely would. Anyway, we'll all go out together next time, all right?"

"We didn't want to go anyway," Hen said indignantly.

"You clearly did," Eddie replied, shrugging into his jacket.

"Yeah, yeah," she replied, giving Eddie a playful push. "You two go have fun on your guys' night, all right?"

"No invite, huh?" Chimney asked pointedly. "Still no invite?"

Buck shrugged at him. "Don't you have a pregnant girlfriend waiting for you at home? My sister? Does that ring a bell? I could call her. You know what, I think I'll call her."

"No, no," Chimney said quickly, letting out a nervous laugh. "She says I'm too hard on you. Go have fun – you're just two single guys. Go enjoy yourselves."

~

Eddie vetoed every single bar Buck suggested, and so that was how they found themselves playing pool at their regular joint, sharing a pizza. There was a decent crowd for a Thursday night and plenty of women their age, so Buck was feeling optimistic.

Eddie, however, only seemed uncomfortable. Buck indulged him with a couple of games of pool and then dragged him over to the bar, where they could sit and drink in a more visible location.

"Okay," Buck said to him, looking around. "What do you think?"

Eddie reluctantly cast his eyes around the bar. "There's a group of girls over there but they look too young. You don't want a girl in her early 20s."

"Why not?"

"Because you're nearly 30," Eddie replied bluntly. "And it's gross."

"Oh." Buck shrugged. "Okay."

"And there are some older women in here but don't get any ideas about that – you remember how that worked out last time." Eddie swigged his beer. "But listen – there's a girl over there, sitting with two couples – do you see her? She has brown curly hair."

Buck searched the bar, and found her. "Yeah, I see her."

"She's the fifth wheel," Eddie remarked. "And she looks nice. When she gets up to get another drink, you should go say hi. I saw her looking over at you when we were playing pool."

"Are you sure she wasn't looking at you?" he asked, leaning in close.

Eddie shook his head. "I don't give off friendly, approachable vibes like you do," he replied, nudging Buck with his elbow. "Look – she's getting up now. Go on. Make a move."

"Really?"

"Yes, go," Eddie said, giving him a nudge.

Buck flashed him a quick grin and cut across the bar, sliding in beside the woman with curly brown hair. She turned to him and her eyes lit up. "Hi," he said. "I'm Buck."

She had green eyes, and when she smiled, she had dimples in both cheeks. "Jessie," she replied, holding her hand out. "I saw you playing pool with your friend."

"Yeah, we're off duty tonight," he replied. "We're firefighters."

"Oh, my friends are," she replied, nodding towards the table, and then leaning in close. "I did not want to come out tonight but I was talked into it."

"Well, I'm glad you're here," he replied, and she gave him a genuine smile. "Can I be clichéd and offer to buy you a drink?"

"Go for it," she said. "Just white wine."

"You got it."

~

They chatted at the bar for a while – Jessie was a lawyer; she'd been single for about a year and she was slowly dipping her toe back into the dating pool, just like Buck. She had a cat, a dog and a bird, and she'd been living in LA for the last six years.

They didn't have much in common, but they had an easy rapport, and he liked her almost instantly. In fact, he almost forgot all about Eddie until his phone buzzed in his pocket, and upon checking the messages, was immediately alarmed.

_BUCK. HELP._

_HELP._

_LOOK AT ME._

Buck turned around, concerned, and found two older women on either side of Eddie, completely hemming him in, leaning over him like the cats that had caught the cream. Eddie met his eyes and mouthed, " _Help. HELP."_

"I'm just going to the bathroom," Jessie said, touching his shoulder. "Don't go anywhere. I'll be right back."

"Yep," Buck agreed, waiting until she'd disappeared before rising from his seat and striding purposefully to Eddie's side. "Baby," he said smoothly, as Eddie's eyebrows flew up in shock. "I'm so sorry I'm late. I got caught up at the office."

The women were staring at him with narrowed, suspicious eyes, so he elbowed one of them purposefully out of the way and slid in beside Eddie, draping an arm around his shoulders. "I missed you."

Eddie blinked at him and stammered, "Yeah, I missed you too."

"Who's this?" one of the women demanded.

"Oh, hi, I'm Buck," he said with a smile, extending a hand to her. "I'm Eddie's husband. Nice to meet you. Were you keeping him company?"

"His husband," one of the women said flatly. "You're gay?"

"Yeah," Buck replied, gazing at Eddie fondly, running his fingers down his cheek affectionately. Eddie's expression softened, and he swallowed visibly. "Yeah, he's my guy."

"I don't believe it," one of the women remarked. "Two guys as good looking as you? No way."

Buck decided to go all in, crooking his fingers under Eddie's chin, tilting his face up. "You're so handsome," he whispered – and meant it, because Eddie was truly the most beautiful man he'd ever seen in his life. "Kiss me?"

Without hesitation, Eddie closed the gap, and pressed his lips against Buck's eagerly. Buck almost immediately broke out into goosebumps – Eddie's lips were soft, and he tasted like beer but that was okay, because _god damn_ was he a good kisser. He was so good, in fact, that Buck forgot almost everything in an instant, focused only on the feel of Eddie's lips on his, and the fleeting brush of their tongues – tentative at first, but Buck opened his mouth almost on instinct and the kiss deepened. God, it was _amazing._ Number one greatest kiss of his life and with his best friend – his straight best friend, _fuck._

They only parted when someone cleared their throat from above them, and Buck broke away, blinking in surprise.

Jessie said awkwardly, "I don't know what your game is, man, but… this was weird." She raised her eyebrows at him, and then turned and walked away.

Buck met Eddie's eyes, his lips still burning from the kiss. "Shit."

~

They were silent in the Uber on the way to Buck's loft, having abandoned the bar almost instantly. Buck was embarrassed, staring blindly out the window, unable to meet Eddie's eyes. Why the fuck had he thought that was a good idea? Kissing Eddie to get a couple of women to leave him alone?

He'd kissed his best friend – his extremely straight best friend, and sure, it kinda seemed like Eddie was into it but Buck knew him better than that. God, he'd really fucked up.

He half expected Eddie to tell the Uber driver to keep going when they reached the loft, but he climbed out of the car and wordlessly followed Buck into the building. They were silent until they reached Buck's apartment, at which point Buck decided to throw himself on his sword and literally beg forgiveness.

"That was so stupid," he said to Eddie, whose eyebrows flew up. "I'm really sorry. I wasn't even thinking. I just… I knew it would get rid of them."

"And it did," Eddie pointed out, and winced. "But also… that girl you were talking to. I'm sorry; I should've just told them to fuck off."

"No, I’m sorry," Buck said imploringly, holding his hands out. "I don't care about that girl. I shouldn't have kissed you."

Eddie gave him an incredulous look and let out a laugh. "It's fine. The kiss was fine. I thought you were pissed at me for chasing off that girl."

"No," he insisted. "I don't care about her – I didn't even think, Eds. I just…" he trailed off, resting his hands on his hips. "Fuck, I'm sorry for kissing you."

Eddie smiled ruefully at him. "It's okay. Really. I mean, it's the most action I've had all year."

Buck felt some of his tension melt away, letting out an awkward chuckle. "Oh, well. I should've tried harder then."

"I thought it was pretty good. It was a good kiss." Eddie shrugged, a blush creeping into his cheeks. "Anyway, um… I just wanted to clear things up. That girl… it wasn't going well?"

Buck didn't want to tell him the truth and make him feel even more guilty, and so he said, "Nah, not really. I don't think we had anything in common."

"Oh. Okay." Eddie looked around the apartment, and then said, "You want to have a beer and play video games for a bit?"

"Sure," he agreed. "I'm just going to change out of these clothes."

"Okay. I'll get everything set up."

Buck went up the stairs, unbuttoning his shirt, still feeling confused about everything. He'd thought Eddie would be mad about the _kiss_ , but no. He was concerned he'd ruined Buck's chances. The kiss _had_ , sure, but Buck couldn't even really remember her name. All he could think about was the greatest kiss of his life – replaying the moment in his mind as he changed into sweats, washing his face in the bathroom.

God, Eddie was a great kisser.

It was such a good fucking kiss, and it was just too damn bad that Eddie was straight.

He grabbed some clothes for Eddie and went downstairs. Eddie was in the kitchen, rummaging around in his cupboards. "Popcorn?" he asked Buck.

"In the top there," Buck replied. "Here are some clothes in case you want to change."

Eddie flashed him a grin. "You just like it when I'm swimming in your stretched-out sweats."

"Well, maybe if you beefed up a bit, I don't know," Buck teased. "You've lost some muscle there, Diaz. Might be time to start lifting weights again."

Eddie shook his head. "Nah. That's your thing. I like boxing." He threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave and began to unbutton his shirt. "I like it when I've got a defined six-pack," he said to Buck, patting his enviable abs fondly, before pulling Buck's t-shirt on over his head.

He was gorgeous. Buck had always noticed it, but never allowed himself to really _think_ about it. Eddie had no qualms changing into sweats in front of him, folding up his clothes, and then rummaging through his fridge for more food. One of the things Buck loved the most about their friendship was how comfortable they were with each other. Eddie was like his other half. He could practically read his mind, most of the time, and all they needed to do was exchange a look in order to communicate.

Eddie found Buck's emergency stash of peanut M&M's in the back of the fridge and grabbed the bag out. "What's this?" he asked with a grin.

"Just in case I have a bad day," Buck replied. "Sometimes you just need chocolate."

"We're eating them tonight." Eddie took the bag of popcorn out from the microwave, dumped it in a bowl, and turned to Buck with a devilish smile. "Time to kick your ass."

"You wish."

~

It was after midnight when they finally flicked the TV off. Eddie was lying on the couch, his feet on Buck's lap, yawning widely.

"You're staying," Buck said to him, patting Eddie's legs. "Get some sleep. What time do you have to pick up Christopher?"

Eddie yawned again. "Nine."

"Stay here then."

"Mmm, all right." Eddie threw an arm over his eyes. "Your couch isn't comfy though."

"Yeah, I know. Come and share the bed," Buck offered, and at that, Eddie's eyes flew open. "It's a big bed and we can put pillows down the middle. I sleep closer to you when we're in the bunks, for sure."

Eddie sighed, relenting. "Okay. You better not feel me up."

"You'd probably enjoy it," Buck remarked, rising to his feet, holding his hand out to haul Eddie up as well. "Come on."

He flicked off the lights downstairs, and led Eddie up to the bedroom. He pulled the covers down on the bed, thankful that his sheets were fresh and clean, and then went into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

When he returned, Eddie was already burrowed under the covers on the far side of the bed, still awake, scrolling on his phone. Buck climbed in as well, flipping on his side to face him.

"Just like a sleepover," Eddie murmured. "Like I used to have with my cousins when I was a kid."

"I never had sleepovers."

Eddie turned his phone off, tucking it under the pillow. "Why not?"

He shrugged. "I never really had friends over to my house. I thought they'd think it was weird, you know… my parents, I guess."

"Weird how?" Eddie pressed.

"I don't know. Just…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "Just weird. Anyway. Good night."

"Buck," Eddie said quietly, reaching out to touch his arm. "You never talk about it."

"Nothing to talk about," he replied. "They're just not very warm people."

"And my parents are?"

"At least yours were around." Buck tucked a pillow under his head, letting out a sigh. "It doesn't matter."

Eddie frowned. "Did you ever talk to Abby about your childhood?" he asked hesitantly.

"No. She… never asked," he suddenly realised, and let out a chuckle. "She never really asked too many questions about me."

"She missed out," Eddie replied.

"She probably thinks she dodged a bullet. Maybe that's why she never fell in love with me," Buck said, turning onto his back. "I'm hard work."

"Hard work? You're not, at all," Eddie objected.

Buck laughed. "You have to say that; you're my best friend."

"I like to think I'm pretty honest with you," Eddie said, reaching over to poke him sharply in the ribs. "You're not hard work."

"I want too much, I think. That's why it never works out. I want… like, stability, you know? Like Maddie has with Chim. That kind of relationship." He swallowed hard. "I don't think I'm ever going to find it."

"You'll always have me, Buck. I'm stable, right?"

Buck turned to his head to the side, smiling fondly at him. "The most stable."

"And I'm not going anywhere. You have Christopher and me, always. You know that."

"Yeah, but he's your kid, Eds. I just feel like I'm living vicariously through you or something. You're so lucky to have him; he is the greatest kid in the world."

"I know," Eddie said quietly. "And I'm not much into religion but when you saved him from the tsunami, I thanked God, Buck. Literally. Because… I don't know… what I would do without him." His voice cracked a little, his eyes shining in the darkness. "My worst fear. Hands down."

"Mine too," Buck whispered. "I had nightmares for months."

"You did?"

He nodded. "Yeah. I never told you."

Eddie propped himself up on his elbow. "You should've told me. We could've talked about it."

"I didn't want you to tell me to go to therapy," Buck admitted.

"As if I would tell you to go to therapy," Eddie remarked.

"Bobby would."

"That's Bobby. He's not like us." Eddie was quiet for a moment, and then said, "You know why I don't date, right?"

"No."

"Because nobody would love him as much as I do… or you," he admitted. "You love him like he's your own kid."

Buck shook his head. "I know he's not; I just—"

"No, you… it's fine," Eddie stressed. "I wouldn't let just anyone into our lives. You know I trust you more than anyone – more than my own family. I would rather he be with you than them. You are… such a huge part of our lives, and I don't want that to change if you meet someone new."

"It won't," Buck promised. "You guys are my priority."

"But we can't be if you have a girlfriend," Eddie murmured. "I know that."

"But…"

"Ah, fuck. I don't know. I just don't want to lose you." Eddie reached out in the darkness, fumbling for Buck's hand. "Don't tell anyone I said this, but I love you, buddy."

"Aw," Buck murmured, genuinely touched. "I love you too."

Eddie paused, and then said, "And you're a good kisser."

"Right back at you." Buck waited for Eddie to let go of his hand, but instead, Eddie's breathing began to even out, and in less than a minute he was asleep – not surprising; the man could sleep just about anywhere.

So Buck turned to face him again, holding his hand in the darkness, and thought about that kiss.

That fucking kiss was going to be front and centre in his mind for a long, long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Buck decided the only way to take his mind off that kiss – the fucking amazing kiss that made his toes curl every time he thought about it – was to hit the town the old fashioned way, without a wingman. He kept that information to himself – Eddie and Christopher had plans for Saturday night with Eddie's family, which meant Buck wouldn't have to think of any kind of excuse to head out on his own.

He chose a hook and ladder place near Santa Monica, one that he'd been to before after the tsunami. It meant he wouldn't run into anyone he worked with directly, which meant less chance of gossip getting back to the 118. He sat at the bar and ordered a beer, checking his phone. Eddie had sent him a picture of Christopher and his Abuela, and underneath had written, _'If you're bored, swing by.'_ Buck checked his watch – he'd give it an hour, and if nothing happened, he'd do just that.

"Well, well, well," a familiar voice said. Lena Bosko draped herself over his shoulder and said, "What's cracking, Buckley?"

He grinned, shaking his head. "Nothing much, Bosko. And you?"

She slid into the empty stool beside him and leaned over to see the picture on his phone. "Ah, Eddie's kid. How is he, anyway? He dropped off the face of the earth again. For me, at least."

Buck nodded. "Yeah, he's great. No complaints."

"No fighting?" She rested her head on her hand, gazing at him with interest.

"No fighting."

"You don't want to take it up, handsome?"

"Don't think I'd be much good at it. And besides, I think Eddie would freak out if I did that," he said with a chuckle.

Lena arched her eyebrows. "Yeah, he's got a thing about you," she said, nudging him playfully. "When you guys weren't talking – man, did he spiral."

"That wasn't the only reason," Buck replied, not wanting to go over old ground. "How are things at the 136?"

"Oh, y'know, fine," she replied, waving her hand dismissively. "Everyone's fine. We responded to that big industrial fire last week at the harbour – thought I might've seen you guys there."

"No, we were outside the zone," Buck replied, sipping his beer. "It would've taken us over an hour to get there."

"Ah, fair enough. That was a close one though," she said, and dropped her voice low. "Ammonium nitrate."

"Oh, fuck, seriously?"

"Mmmhmm. Thankfully we knew about it before we got there, so we were able to prepare and prevent the whole harbour from going up. Hell, a blast that big would've levelled more than just the harbour." She shook her head, gesturing to the bartender. "Hey, you want to come join us? Just a group of us having drinks, all firefighters. Some really nice dudes. Don't want you sitting here alone, Buck – a pretty guy like you? It's not safe. What would Eddie say?"

"Eddie would probably say I'm a grown man who can handle himself in a bar," Buck said dryly, but she ignored him, ordering a beer for herself and another for him.

"Come on," she said, tugging his arm. "Come drink with us."

He gave in, nodding, and when their beers arrived, he grabbed his and followed her over to a booth in the back. She went around the table briefly – Libby, Matt, Joe and Andy, who made room for Buck to slide in beside him. Andy was a decent looking guy, with green eyes and brown curly hair, pulled back in a bun at the back. He gave Buck a lingering look, one eyebrow raised, his lips pursed.

_Interesting._

Conversation was light, mostly about the job – Lena's crew were interested in life at the 118, and the things they'd heard about the team, particularly Chimney and the rebar. Buck had always been a gregarious, outgoing guy, so spending time with a new group of people was a breeze – actually, he sort of enjoyed meeting some new people, and not just listening to the same old war stories.

When a band took to the stage and started playing some classic rock, Lena, Libby, Matt and Joe all stood up to dance, leaving Buck and Andy alone together in the booth at the back of the bar where it was a little quieter. Andy had been subdued, letting his more boisterous co-workers dominate the conversation, but as soon as they were alone he said to Buck, "I have to ask – your birthmark is like, the most interesting thing I've ever seen. Do you love it or hate it?"

Buck touched his birthmark instinctively, shrugging. "Honestly, I don't really notice it anymore. I tend to get asked if I got smacked in the face."

"You know, they say birthmarks the remnants of a violent death in a previous life," Andy said, studying Buck with interest. "If so… fuck, dude."

Buck laughed. "Yeah, that was a bad time for past me. I wonder what I did."

"Maybe you were some kind of Wild West outlaw, and the sheriff finally got the best of you," he suggested. "Or one of those gangsters from the 1920s, you know, tearing it up with John Dillinger or Al Capone."

"Bonnie and Clyde," he said, arching his eyebrows. "Maybe I'm Clyde."

"Got any other birthmarks? I mean, I think they filled Bonnie and Clyde full of bullets, so it stands to reason if you were Clyde, you'd be covered in birthmarks."

Buck shook his head, and tapped his forehead. "Just this."

"I could always… investigate for you," Andy said, raising an eyebrow. "If you want."

Forward, but he liked it. "Well, I might have to take you up on that."

Andy smiled at him. "Gay?"

"Bi," he replied.

"Ah. You've been with a guy before, right?"

"You want my sexual history?"

Andy laughed. "Sorry. I've never… been interested in a bisexual guy before. Are you out?"

That was a tough question – technically he wasn't hiding anything, but he'd never been asked the question, so he'd never… told anyone. It wasn't information he offered freely - not ashamed, just cautious.

Finally he said, "My friends don't know, but if I was asked the question, I'd tell them."

"Interesting." Andy sipped his bee, pulling one knee up to his chest, his eyes trained on Buck. "Have you dated more men than women?"

That was another tough question, and one Buck wasn't really comfortable answering. He took another swig of beer before deciding to give Andy the benefit of the doubt. "I've dated both," he replied diplomatically. "But I've been single for a while."

"You don't hit up the clubs then, and I don't think I've ever seen you on Grindr."

He shook his head. "No."

"So what's your deal?"

He gave an awkward chuckle and said, "I don't know. I've been out of the scene for a few years. Got sick of sleeping around… I'm looking for something more meaningful."

"So it's a no to coming home with me tonight," Andy said boldly.

Buck shook his head. "Sorry, man. Not that I'm not interested… I just… I'm trying not to be that guy anymore."

"I won't tell anyone if you won't," he replied, sliding a hand along Buck's leg.

Suddenly uncomfortable, Buck shifted away. "No, dude. I'm not sleeping with you. We only just met."

Andy pursed his lips, and then shrugged. "How about a dance then?" he asked, nodding to the dance-floor. "Is that breaking any rules?"

"I'm a terrible dancer."

"Come on, you can't be that bad – you're a firefighter, light on your feet. Dance with me."

Buck cast a look at the packed dance-floor, and laughed when Andy began to shove him out of the booth. "Okay, okay."

He let Andy drag him over to the outskirts of the dance-floor, away from the rest of the group, and stood awkwardly until Andy grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him in close, his arms around his neck. "It's just dancing," he said, swaying Buck back and forth. "That's all, man. Easy."

He nodded, and relaxed.

~

Dancing was followed by a few more beers, and then drunkenly making out in a stall of the men's room – nothing more than just kissing, though he couldn't help but lament that it wasn't anything near as amazing as his kiss with Eddie – which was, in fact, still the only thing he could think about.

They exchanged numbers as they left the bar, and Andy said, "I'm gonna call you, and we're going out on a date. A real date."

Buck hoped he would, but he wasn't holding his breath. After all, they barely knew each other, and while dancing and kissing was fun, it didn't mean that Andy necessarily wanted to pursue anything with him.

In fact, he'd almost forgotten about it when he strolled into work on Sunday afternoon, and found Eddie and Chimney dressing in the locker room.

"Ready for the night shift," Buck intoned dramatically by way of greeting. "How's it going?" He opened his locker and pulled out a fresh uniform to change into.

"Pretty good," Chimney replied, as Eddie huffed out a breath.

Buck glanced at Chimney in confusion, and they both turned to look at Eddie, who was clearly bent out of shape about _something._

"What's wrong?" Buck asked him, pulling his shirt over his head. "Everything okay?"

"Fine." Eddie had his back to the both of them.

"Clearly not fine, Eddie," Chimney said dryly, rising to his feet. "Care to enlighten us? Your parents bothering you again?"

"Nope."

Buck hated when Eddie was in a snit like this – he hated talking about his feelings at the best of times, so figuring out why he was pissed off was like pulling teeth. "Is Christopher okay?" Buck asked him, suddenly concerned. "Weren't you guys going to the park today?"

"Yeah, we went."

"Did he have a nightmare last night?"

"Nope."

"Was the party okay?"

"It was fine."

Buck sighed, shaking his head, turning his back on them both. "Well, if you're not gonna talk about it…"

"There's nothing to talk about," Eddie said bitterly.

"Guys, can you sort this shit out here and now so you're not at each other's throats while we're working?" Chimney asked tiredly.

Eddie was silent, shaking his head. Buck wondered what the fuck had changed in less than twelve hours – he'd messaged and told him he wouldn't be able to make it to the party, and Eddie said that was fine, and now he was _pissed_?

And then he remembered snap-happy Lena, and… okay. Eddie was pissed.

"Can we talk?" Buck said to him nervously. "Alone?"

"Yeah, I'm going – I mean, as much as I want to stay for the fireworks, I also prefer it when you two are getting along," Chimney said, casting them a concerned look as he left the locker room.

As soon as they were alone, Buck said, "Lena texted you."

"She posted on Instagram." Eddie's voice was hollow.

"And you're pissed that I went out instead of meeting you," he said carefully.

Eddie had his back to Buck, but he shook his head.

"Then…"

"You were with a guy," Eddie said, so quietly Buck thought he'd misheard. "I thought you were dating girls. I thought you were straight."

Realisation dawned over him, and he said, "No, I'm not. I'm bi."

"You never told me that and I'm meant to be your best friend." Eddie sounded so goddamn hurt and betrayed.

Buck tried to squash any guilt he had about not coming out – he damn well wasn't going to feel guilty about _that_ , it was his choice if and when he came out, not Eddie's - and said instead, "I haven't told anyone."

Eddie glanced at him, his brow furrowed. "Maddie? Hen, Chim?"

He shook his head. "No, Eds. Just you, right now."

Horror flashed across Eddie's face briefly, before he said in a rush, "I didn't – I thought everyone knew except me," he tried to explain. "I thought you weren't telling _me_ for some reason."

"No. I just…" Buck trailed off, shaking his head.

How could he explain to Eddie that he was still so embarrassed by the throwaway remark of someone he'd hardly known that it prevented him from being open and honest with the people he loved? The person who'd said it to him all those years ago probably didn't remember _him_ , let alone one interaction that lasted less than ten minutes, but had ultimately had a profound impact on his confidence.

He couldn't tell Eddie about that one stupid remark. He wouldn't understand. Eddie didn't internalise things the way Buck did – well, he _did_ , but about different things. Buck had always taken the little remarks and negative comments to heart, but Eddie seemed to shrug that stuff off a lot more easily.

"Buck?" Eddie asked, a little fearfully. "You can trust me."

He shrugged, swallowing hard. "It's stupid."

"You know I don't think anything you say is stupid," Eddie said in a low voice. "You can trust me."

"I don't want to talk about it – but listen, believe me when I tell you that my reason for keeping it a secret has nothing to do with you," he said firmly.

Eddie nodded. "Okay, but… it's just that I didn't know you were into guys."

Concerned, Buck said, "Is that a problem for you? Because we… kissed, as a joke, and you slept in my bed—"

"No, it's just that—" Eddie stopped abruptly as the door to the locker room opened, and Bobby leaned in with concern.

"Is everything okay?" he asked them. "Chimney said you two were fighting."

Eddie closed in on himself – hunching his shoulders and turning away from Bobby. Buck said to him, "We're fine; we're talking it out. It's okay."

"Okay," Bobby said worriedly. "It's nothing I need to help you with, is it?"

"No, we're good. It's just between us."

Bobby eyed him, and then nodded. "Okay. I'll let you finish up."

Buck waited until the door was closed, and then said to Eddie, "Did I make you feel uncomfortable? I know… the kiss was dumb. I know that."

"No, you didn't," Eddie said quietly. "I just… I thought you were straight, and then… the picture, the guy in the picture next to you… you two look cosy."

"We flirted a bit and made out," Buck replied, taken aback by the look of pure pain that crossed Eddie's face. "Eds, you're freaking me out. I don't understand why this has you so rattled."

"I thought you were straight," Eddie muttered, resting his hands on his hips.

"It doesn't change anything," Buck said fearfully.

"No, that's not what I mean," Eddie groaned. "Damn it, Buck. I just… I need to wrap my head around this. What's the guy's name? Do you like him? Is it serious?"

Buck stared at him, confused. "It's Andy, and… I don't know? It's not serious."

"Andy's a dumb name," Eddie muttered.

He couldn't help but smile at that. "He seems nice enough."

"We'll see." Eddie had a troubled look on his face, and he turned to face his locker.

"Eddie," Buck said uncertainly. "Are you… I know you're not homophobic, so… your reaction has me really concerned."

"It's not about you being bisexual," Eddie replied quietly. "It's me. I need to… I just need a bit of time, okay? Because… I never considered this a possibility before."

"Me liking guys?"

"Yeah." Eddie's voice was low. "And… I don't know how I feel about that."

Totally confused, Buck said, "I don't know what you mean."

Eddie just murmured, "I just need to think, all right? I'm not homophobic; this isn't me having a gay panic or anything. Please, just… I know I push you around and make you talk to me, but… can you just give me some time? Is that okay?"

"Time to decide if we're still friends?" he asked fearfully.

Eddie glanced at him sharply. "Buck, there is nothing in this world that would ever stop us from being friends. After Christopher, you're the most important person in my life. You know that. I'm not one of those people who will abandon you, all right? You and me – we're forever. I've got your back."

Eddie wasn't usually so openly forthright, but Buck was so goddamn grateful that he verbally quashed all of his fears, that all he could do was nod gratefully.

"But that guy looks like a player," Eddie added, turning to his locker.

"You're never going to like anyone I date."

"That's because none of them are good enough for you," Eddie said quietly.

"Your standards are too high."

"And yours are too low."

~

Buck pondered Eddie, who was uncharacteristically reserved when they were with the group. He seemed to be lost in thought, his mind elsewhere, gazing into the distance. If the others noticed, nothing was said, and Buck decided to respect his wishes and not push him to open up.

He couldn't quite figure out what he meant by, _"I thought you were straight. I don't know how I feel about that."_

What was there to feel about it? How did it affect Eddie in literally any way? Aside from their kiss – the greatest kiss of his life; the one he couldn't stop thinking about – nothing romantic had ever happened between them. They were just friends – close friends, sure, but… friends.

Chimney said once that he and Eddie were like brothers but Buck had never felt that way. It wasn't a brotherly love; it was more than that. Eddie was like the other part of his soul – not that he would ever say that out loud. He was never more comfortable and relaxed than when he was with Eddie and Christopher; like he was always meant to be with them. Like the three of them were already a family. They were his people; the both of them.

And if he was honest with himself, he'd always noticed how attractive Eddie was – how could he not? The man was stunning, especially when he smiled, or he gazed at Buck with that dumb fond expression that made Buck's heart skip a beat. He did this funny thing when he was trying to describe something but couldn't come up with the right words – his whole face would scrunch up adorably. If he was really happy, he'd have a contented smile on his face, and his eyes would be all soft and sparkly.

Eddie was so goddamn expressive – for a man that had so much trouble talking about his feelings, they were almost always written all over his face. Buck especially loved it when he was disgusted by something, because there was just no way he could hide it. He would recoil, his whole face screwed up.

So yeah, he'd… thought about it. Thought about him; wondered what it would be like to fall in love with his best friend, but Eddie was straight, and that was that.

~

Buck met Andy for a date on Wednesday night. Andy was kinda funny and very cute, and he listened when Buck spoke and seemed genuinely interested in him.

They had a lot in common – they both loved their jobs, they liked the same kind of music and they agreed that true golden age of television was when _Community, The Office, Parks and Recreation_ and _30 Rock_ were all on NBC on a Thursday night. Major differences included sport – Andy was not interested at all; couldn't even pretend, and Buck loved football and baseball. Andy was very close with his family, who all lived in LA, and Buck was only close with Maddie.

And then, somehow, the topic shifted to the tsunami, and Buck guessed Andy knew all about him from his captain. "So you were caught up in it," he said, leaning in close to Buck with interest. "You're the guy who saved all those people."

"I don't really think about it like that." Buck didn't necessarily like discussing the tsunami – he'd talk about it with Eddie, from time to time, but nobody else. He'd never even really told Maddie what he'd gone through, but he had to tell Eddie – Eddie needed to know, for Christopher's sake. And Buck's, really… Buck needed that one person he could trust.

"So what was it like?" Andy pressed. "I mean, you saw the wave coming… what did you do?"

Buck shifted uncomfortably, shaking his head. "I'm not going to talk about it, man. It was a bad day."

"I wasn't even rostered on that day," Andy mused. "I was at the golf club with my parents. Saw it all on the news; came rushing back into the city to see if I could help. It must've been unbelievable to witness it firsthand."

Buck shrugged. "Honestly, I don't really remember a lot of it. I was just trying not to drown, and to find Eddie's son."

"Lena told us about Eddie," Andy said, letting out a low whistle. "Anger issues, huh?"

"No," Buck said instantly, shaking his head. "Not at all."

"He's the guy that joined that underground fighting ring and nearly killed a guy, right?"

"Yeah, but—"

"Sounds like anger issues to me."

"You don't know him, man. That's my best friend. The greatest guy I know, so… all of us had a rough time after the tsunami." Buck shifted uneasily.

"And the lawsuit. You're the guy who sued the Department."

Suddenly very uncomfortable, Buck sat back in his seat, folding his arms across his chest. "Yep."

"I guess that all worked out for you though. How much money did they offer you?"

Buck shook his head. "All I wanted was my job. I never took any money."

Andy studied him, and then suddenly seemed to realise he was making Buck uncomfortable. "Ah, shit. I'm sorry, man. Everyone tells me I'm too nosy. I'm just interested in you, that's all."

"It's okay." It wasn't, but he was willing to give the guy a second chance. "Change the subject. What else you got?"

Conversation drifted from work to the current state of politics in America, to Andy's coming out story – when he was 21, to his entire family, who were all extremely supportive. Buck considered Andy lucky to be so close with his family, and when asked about his own, he glossed over it a bit – they live on the East Coast, and that was why he didn't get to see them very often.

They left the Mexican restaurant and hopped in Andy's car – Andy suggested a drive up to the observatory, and Buck agreed. He'd been up there a couple of times with Eddie and Christopher, but never at night.

They pulled into a parking space, leaving the car and meandering along the path around the building. There were a few other people there, so they took a seat on a bench together, gazing up at what they could see of the night sky. Andy said, "So what are you looking for, Evan Buckley?"

Buck glanced at him. "Stars?"

He laughed. "No, I mean… as in… sex, or a relationship, or… something fun for now… friends with benefits?"

"I mean, I want a relationship, sure," Buck replied. "I've been single for a while. I want to think about the future."

"Marriage, kids… all that boring stuff."

"Not that boring, at least not to me." Buck smiled at him. "Not with the right person."

"I guess you're right." Andy flashed him a lopsided grin. "Could be nice to settle down. I've been single for a while as well."

"Yeah, I was fine with it until recently… until I realised I haven't kissed or slept with anyone in over a year," he said without thinking.

Andy's eyebrows flew up. "You're practically a virgin! Come here," he said, and before Buck realised what was happening, they were kissing.

Something about it felt _wrong_ , instantly – it wasn't like the night in the bar, when he had a few beers under his belt and was feeling a little loose. He didn't like the way Andy gripped his forearms, digging his nails in, and he especially didn't like it when Andy jammed his tongue in his mouth.

Buck yanked away, spluttering. "No, dude," he said, shaking his head. "No."

"No? Come on, you fucking tease," Andy complained, leaning in to kiss him again, but Buck pulled out of his grasp and stood.

"No, I'm good," he said, shaking his head. "I'm good."

"We're just kissing, dude, what's your problem?"

He hunched his shoulders, shaking his head rapidly. "I just want to go slower. I'm not looking to leap into bed with someone on the first date."

Andy gave him a reproachful look. "I mean, I knew I was taking a risk with you," he said flatly, "what with the lawsuit and everything else I've heard about you, and everything Lena told me – but like, come on. You could at least give me a blow job. I bought you dinner."

Buck raised his eyebrows, letting out a disbelieving laugh. "Okay. You want some money? I'm happy to pay my share."

"I'd rather a blow job," he said bluntly.

"That's not gonna happen." Buck took a step back from him. "I think we're good."

Andy stood as well, his hands on his hips. "You're seriously not even going to come home with me?"

Buck shook his head. "No way, dude."

Andy looked astonished. "Wow, seriously?"

"Yeah, I'm not into casual sex. We were just talking about that."

"Come on," Andy groaned. "Come on, dude! It's just sex. You'd really be doing me a solid."

Buck grimaced. "What does that mean?"

Andy sighed, scuffing the ground with his shoe. "I could win five hundred bucks if you blow me tonight," he said with a shrug. "I'll give you half."

"You made a bet on me?" Buck asked incredulously.

"Yeah, the guys at work said I couldn't get you into bed on the first date. It's not a big deal; I just want to bag the guy who filed the lawsuit against the Department," he replied flippantly.

Buck backed away from him. "Yeah, no thanks," he said, wanting to get the hell out of there. "I'm gonna go."

"I'll drive you," Andy said as he advanced on him.

"No, I'll get an Uber." He pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and took out a $20 note. "Here – for dinner. I can Venmo you more if you want."

"I don't want your money, I want to win this bet," Andy said firmly. "Come on, dude. It's just sex."

Something inside Buck snapped. He rose to his full height, towering over Andy by a good couple of inches, and said, "If you don't back the fuck off, I'll break your nose. Don't come any closer."

Andy rolled his eyes. "Are you worried I’m going to rape you or something?"

"I don't know, man, you seem to have a hard time taking no for an answer."

Andy threw his hands up in the air and stalked away from him. "Whatever," he called. "I'm just going to tell everyone we fucked anyway."

"You do you." Buck watched him stride through the park to his car, and once he was gone, he breathed a sigh of relief, before a wave of embarrassment and shame washed over him. Was this what dating was? Why couldn't he just find someone decent? Was he really that awful at picking people?

He wandered back out to the parking lot, calling for an Uber, his heart sinking when he realised there was a basketball game and a concert on, and the surcharge was through the roof. Not only that, there were none in his area. Great.

Not knowing what else to do, and because it was his only real option (without disturbing Maddie, who was pregnant), he called Eddie, who answered on the second ring. "Hey."

"Eds, I know it's late," Buck said, already on the verge of tears. "But I need help."

"Where are you? What's wrong?" Eddie sounded alarmed.

"I'm at the Griffith Park Observatory; I can't get an Uber and… that guy from the 136 left me here because I wouldn't sleep with him."

"I'm coming," Eddie said instantly.

"Christopher's asleep—"

"Actually, we're both still awake. We'll come and get you and then we'll get ice cream."

Buck swallowed the lump in his throat. "Thanks, Eds."

"Are you safe? He's gone? You're not in any danger?"

"No, I'm okay."

"We're on our way," Eddie promised. "Hang tight, Buck."

~

Eddie's truck pulled into the parking lot about twenty minutes later, and Buck climbed into the passenger seat. "Hey guys," he said, trying not to show how emotional he was. "Thanks for the rescue."

"Just like Batman," Christopher said from the backseat. "We're getting ice cream!"

Eddie glanced into the backseat fondly, before turning to Buck. "Are you okay?" he asked worriedly, wrapping his fingers around Buck's wrist. "You could put in a complaint."

"No, I just… I don't know. I made a mistake."

Eddie's eyes were still trained on him. "You'll come home with us," he said finally. "Non-negotiable."

"Okay," he agreed.

"Sleepover!" Christopher cheered from the backseat.

Buck smiled gratefully at Eddie, before turning to face Christopher, trying to distract himself. "What flavour should I get?"

"Bubblegum. And choc chip."

"Done," Buck replied. "If it's gross, it's your fault."

~

They stopped in to grab some ice creams and ate them in the car – Eddie finishing first, and then climbing into the back with Christopher to clean his face.

When they arrived at Eddie's house Christopher was yawning, so Eddie carried him down to his bedroom and put him to bed. Buck checked his phone to find a barrage of abuse from Andy and was scrolling through his messages unhappily when Eddie returned to the living room.

"What happened?" he asked, taking a seat beside Buck on the couch.

"He made a bet with the guys from the 136 that he could get the guy who filed the lawsuit against the Department into bed," Buck replied quietly. "I'm a fucking idiot."

Eddie's jaw clenched. "He told you that?"

"I thought he was going to try something, Eds. I thought I was going to have to fight him off." He passed his phone to Eddie, trying not to cry. "God… I must only be good for one thing, right? Sex. Nothing else."

Eddie's eyes were trained on Buck's phone, a look of horror on his face. "You're putting in a complaint about this asshole."

"What good will that do?"

"Stop him from doing it to someone else, the entitled prick. Save all these messages, and we'll take it to Bobby at work tomorrow," Eddie said firmly.

Buck shook his head. "It's not worth it."

"Buck—"

"No, because… then I just cause more drama for myself, don't I? The Chief already doesn't like me. Who fucking cares," he said, defeated. "I'm over it. I'm just going to be single forever. It's fine. Other people get happiness and families and all that shit, and I'll just… be a really good uncle." His face contorted, and as much as he tried to hold it back, he couldn't stop the sob that burst out of him. "Jesus Christ."

"Buck," Eddie said desperately, setting the phone aside. "You are not going to be alone."

"I already am."

"I've been trying to tell you for weeks that you have me and Christopher," Eddie said insistently, taking Buck by the shoulders. "Buck. Please. Listen to me, okay? You have _me._ "

He let out a breath, shaking his head. "I'm just living vicariously—"

"No, you're not," Eddie said, gritting his teeth. "Buck… oh god. Okay. Listen – I'm… I am… terrified, but also… so fucking in love with you. Like, shockingly in love with you. Like I can't imagine wanting to ever be with anyone else. You are the only person I think about and… you dating again has slowly been killing me because you don't seem to see me the way I see you."

Buck stared at him, dumbfounded, a single tear snaking its way down his cheek. "You what?"

Eddie swallowed nervously, sweat beading on his forehead. "I love you. You are everything to me. You are it. The only one I see. And I get it if you don't feel the same way but… god, I hope you do."

"You're… in love with me?"

"The most in love with anyone I've ever been in my life," Eddie admitted. "When we kissed… I was so close to telling you, I just… I'm scared of losing you, and… I didn't know you were bi," he said emphatically, hitting his knee with his fist. "I thought it was a lost cause, and it still might be, because I don't know how you feel."

He was still gaping at Eddie, too shocked to speak. He'd thought about it – god, of course he had, especially since _that kiss_ , but… he had no idea Eddie was feeling the same way.

This was why Eddie was so taken aback when he came out.

This was why Eddie had been so shocked to find out he was dating again.

Eddie Diaz was _in love with him._

And holy shit, now that he could let himself feel it – every single feeling and emotion over the last two years that he'd shoved aside and told himself not to think about was suddenly right at the surface, waves of love and adoration crashing over him, and the overwhelming feeling of _yes, this is right and it's been right in front of me the whole fucking time._ He couldn’t put into words how he was feeling – all he could do was stare dumbly at Eddie, totally blindsided.

"Buck," Eddie said, clearing his throat. "You don't feel the same way. I get it. It's just… It's just a crush, you know? I'll get over it." He swallowed reflexively, trying to control his emotions.

The only thing Buck could think of to say was, "That kiss was the greatest kiss I've ever had and I haven't thought about anything else since."

Eddie's eyes widened. "It was?"

"Yeah, and I didn't realise until after that _you_ kissed _me_ ," he murmured. "And you held my hand the night we shared a bed, and you listen to me when I talk to you, and sometimes I see you looking at me when you think I can't see you… you do nice things for me, like you always make sure I have cold water in the fridge… you make sure I'm eating and you invite me over because you know I'm lonely on my own… I just thought you were the best friend anyone could ever have; I had no idea you were in love with me. I couldn't let myself think that. You and Christopher are too important to me."

Eddie nodded, shifting so he was on his knees, facing Buck. "I talked to him," he said nervously. "I talked to Christopher about… whether I should ask you out on a date. And then he wanted to do it, and he tried to steal my phone to text you to ask you out on the date for me—"

Buck snorted with laughter.

Eddie relaxed enough to smile. "And uh… he's all for it. I had to beg him not to talk to you about it, until I was ready… I didn't think it would be tonight but I was working up the courage."

"You're the bravest guy I know; you should've just done it."

"But you haven't told me if you feel the same way." Eddie was tense, licking his lips nervously. "Buck, listen. I've never really thought about guys before. I was in love with Shannon for a long time, and I never looked at anyone else while she was alive. I mean, even when we were separated, I still loved her." He cleared his throat, struggling to find the right words. "And then… she was gone, and I was on my own again, and… any time I thought about trying to date someone, I kept thinking how that person would have to love Christopher as much as I do and as much as Shannon did, like… that person can't come into our lives and then abandon us."

Buck nodded silently.

"And then… I was so angry at you about the lawsuit, and Frank wanted me to explain why, and I just… couldn't find the right words. And after we made up, I went to a session with him and he said to me that I talk about you like you're my life partner. That I don't make decisions without you anymore. So I stopped going to therapy," he admitted, "because I hate that he knew me so well."

"That's a dumb reason."

"Yeah, well, it made me realise that I was head over heels in love with you and I didn't want to spend time unpacking what the hell that meant for me," he replied. "I just wanted to bury it, and just… not threaten our friendship. Buck… it's just me in this, right? You don't feel the same way."

Buck smiled affectionately at him. "You know the great thing about you going to therapy? You talk now. You never used to. I never really knew what you were thinking until I pried it out of you."

Eddie blushed.

"I've been in love with you probably since the moment I first saw you," he said quietly, and Eddie went still. "I just… couldn't let myself feel that. Not for the guy who became my best friend, who let me into his life, let me be there for his kid… the guy who gave me the family I've always been looking for. I couldn't jeopardise that. I thought you were straight."

"I'm not," Eddie replied, without hesitation, but a little stiffly – and Buck _knew_ that he was saying it out loud for the first time, and that he was terrified about it.

But that was okay. Buck leaned a little closer to him and said softly, "I love you too, Eds. I just want to be with you and Christopher."

Eddie's eyebrows flew up. "You do? With us?" he clarified, shifting closer to Buck. "Because he's all for it."

"Yeah, you guys are the loves of my life," he replied sweetly. "And you're a fucking great kisser."

That was invitation enough for Eddie, who swooped in and planted his lips on Buck's as though he'd been wandering the desert and Buck was an oasis.

It was the way his whole body felt on fire when Eddie touched him; and the way a strange sense of completeness washed over him, like this was always meant to be. They were meant to be. They'd just taken a while to find each other.

Eddie was the first to pull away, cupping Buck's cheeks. "Stay here," he said, nodding quickly. "Stay with us. Please."

"I'm not going anywhere," Buck promised.

"And that guy – you're putting in a complaint."

"No, I'm not."

Eddie sighed. "Don't make me tell Maddie."

"Don't tell her, just…" Buck couldn't help but lean in and rest his head on Eddie's shoulder – he could do that now, uninvited, because they were in love. Eddie nuzzled against his cheek instinctively, sliding his arms around Buck's shoulders. "Just… let it go. It doesn't matter."

"Okay," Eddie murmured, totally unconvincingly.

~

They spent the night together in Eddie's bed, making out until Buck's lips were pleasantly swollen and red – and this time there was no space between them. Eddie made himself at home, curled around Buck; always touching, all night. Even when he was sleeping Buck could sense him near, as though they'd been apart too long and he couldn't stand it anymore.

Buck awoke to Eddie's alarm – way too early – and huffed out a laugh when Eddie reached over him to turn it off, before burrowing his face against his neck.

"We don't start work until nine," Buck complained.

Eddie mumbled, "I have a kid, and we do exercises, and I make breakfast, and I have to put laundry on—"

Buck chuckled, brushing a kiss to his cheek. "All right, dad."

Eddie lifted his head slightly and smiled at him. "Nice to wake up with you in my bed."

"Nice to be here." Buck reached out for his phone, realising too late as he unlocked it that there were a plethora of messages waiting for him. "Fuck."

Eddie took it out of his hands, scrolling through, jaw clenching. "This piece of shit."

"I have the worst taste."

"Present company excluded, I hope," Eddie said, mock-glowering at him, but relented with a laugh when Buck leaned in to kiss him.

Buck turned onto his side to gain better access, hoping making out would distract Eddie from the abuse on his phone, but Eddie was wise to his game and pulled away. Before he could speak, Buck reminded him, "Nobody knows I'm bi."

"Buck, he's told people," Eddie replied, holding out his phone. "People talk. It'll get back to the 118. You need to tell Bobby about this. I know you're scared, but I'll be there with you. And if that motherfucker comes anywhere near you I swear to god – and I mean this – I will break his fucking neck."

"No, you won't."

"I'll give him a black eye."

"You won't do that, either." Buck took his phone out of Eddie's hands, and leaned in to kiss him again. "I'll talk to Bobby."

"Good." Eddie gazed at him adoringly. "Hey – you want to go on a date with me? A real, proper date – a good date?"

He couldn't help but beam. "Really?"

"Yeah, to a nice restaurant and everything. I want to take you out, show you how it's done."

"Okay," he agreed, unable to stop smiling. "If you want."

"I want." Eddie kissed him again, and then sat up. "Come on, the day's wasting, and we need to wake the kid up so he can do his exercises."

Buck showered while Eddie woke Christopher up, and when he emerged from the bathroom, Christopher was waiting for him in the kitchen, his eyes big and hopeful. "Daddy asked you _on a date_."

He laughed. "Yeah, he did."

Christopher bounced up and down with excitement. "Can I come too?"

"No," Eddie called from the living room. "Come on, kiddo. You've got stretches to do."

"Can I come too?!" Christopher shouted at his father, who laughed. "Dad!"

"Not on our first date, but Buck's going to be here all the time," Eddie said diplomatically. "Come on."

"Go on," Buck said. "I'll get breakfast ready."

He let them do their morning routine and made some eggs, not realising they were finished until Eddie's arms slipped around his waist. Buck leaned back against him with a grin. "Hey."

"Hey." Eddie kissed his cheek. "Listen – you don't have to talk to Bobby if you don't want to. I just… I just want to protect you," he admitted. "But I'll back your play. Whatever you want to do."

"Thanks," Buck murmured. "I haven't decided what to do."

"No pressure." Eddie pulled away slightly, rubbing his shoulders.

~

What followed was an absolutely full-on work day – they'd only been in the station for less than ten minutes when the alarms began to ring, and they were out almost all day responding to different incidents across the city. Buck had almost forgotten about Andy, but reality set in with a crashing thud when he checked his phone on the way back to the station after their last call.

There were another fifty messages waiting for him, one after the other, and endless stream of abuse.

_Yo Buck I heard about that kid you dropped off a rollercoaster_

_You're fucking ugly too_

_What do I have to do to get you to file a lawsuit against me huh_

_Such a fucking coward, you can't even reply to me_

_Saw that footage of you trapped under a fire truck and had a good laugh about it_

_Would've been funnier if it'd crushed more than your leg_

_And you're half under the truck bleeding out while your friends stand around and watch_

_Do you ever think about how worthless you are and how nobody wants to be with you?_

_I think about that a lot_

Buck closed his eyes and turned his phone off, trying not to freak out. What the fuck was he going to do to get this guy off his back?

"Buck," Eddie said into the headset. "You okay?"

"You look white as a sheet," Chimney commented from the other side – he was riding with them for a change, as Hen had the day off. "Are you feeling sick?"

"Buck," Eddie said insistently – and at that he opened his eyes, to find Eddie leaning across with concern. "Hey. What's wrong?"

He just shook his head, and looked away from them. He could just block the guy, right? That would solve the problem. He was about to do just that when Eddie snatched the phone out of his hands. "Eddie," he protested, trying to take it back. "Come on."

"No. Is this prick still bothering you?" Eddie demanded, colour flooding his cheeks as he scrolled through the messages.

"Who's bothering you?" Chimney demanded. "Hello. Am I invisible? Why aren't you two acknowledging me?"

Buck shot him a frustrated look. "It's nothing."

"It must be something if Eddie's upset about it," Bobby said from the front of the truck. "What's going on?"

"It's nothing," Buck said again, as Eddie's mouth set in a grim line. "Eddie's overreacting."

Eddie's head snapped up. "Excuse me?"

Buck glared at him, trying to convey to him _silently_ that he didn't want to come out and had no intention of involving the others. Eddie relented a bit, chewing on his lower lip, before glancing down at the phone again.

Chimney said, "Cap, they're doing that thing again where they're telepathic."

"Tell them to stop," Bobby said mildly from the front.

"You heard the captain. Spill. What's going on?" Chimney asked as they pulled into the station.

Buck shook his head, already unbuckling his seatbelt. "Nothing." He made sure he was first out of the truck, striding over to the locker rooms before Eddie and Chimney had even risen from their seats.

"Hey!" he heard Maddie call from the balcony. "Surprise! We made you dinner."

He paused long enough to look up at where Maddie, Athena, Hen, Karen and the kids were waving to him, and nodded, before continuing into through the locker room to the showers, where it would be empty. He just needed some goddamn privacy to think this thing through, but sure enough, Eddie had followed him.

"Buck," Eddie called from the locker room. "Seriously, dude. We need to figure this out. Where are you?"

Buck was leaning against the tiled wall when Eddie skidded in, stopping abruptly, filled with concern. On the verge of tears, Buck said, "You're going to think this is really fucking stupid. I'm going to tell you why this freaks me out, and you're going to dump me."

"No, I won't," Eddie said, lingering near the door to ensure they were alone. "Tell me."

Buck rubbed his face with both hands in frustration. He'd never had the courage to tell _anyone_ this story, but Eddie wasn't just anyone. Eddie had never broken his trust, not once in the time that they'd known each other.

With that in mind, he began to speak. "When I was nineteen, I had this group of friends – really close friends at college," he said, clearing his throat. "And I really liked one of the guys in our group – Ben - which is when I figured out that I was bi. And… maybe I had a bit of a reputation as a player, I don't know… but the night I came out to the group, in the hopes of maybe starting something with Ben, there was another girl there with us. She was the cousin of someone, I can't remember who. Anyway… I was really nervous, but they were my friends, and… I'm not close with my parents, and…" he trailed off. "I thought I found a group of people who really understood me; who were like a surrogate family. We were all really close."

Eddie nodded, folding his arms across his chest. "What happened?"

"Here's the stupid thing – it wasn't like I came out, and they all rejected me," he said, his eyes beginning to water. "That girl – the cousin – listened to me tell them, and them all support me, and then said, ' _You know being bisexual isn't real – it's just licence to slut around with more people on your stopover to gay town.'_ "

Eddie's face fell. "Buck, she was wrong."

He shrugged. "They all laughed… at me. I bared my soul and she made one comment that they all laughed at, and… that's why I don't tell anyone that I'm bi. And the worst part is that I proved her right, after that, because… I slept with a lot of people, and… she was right. And she probably doesn't even remember _me_ , let alone that comment, but fuck. I think about it almost every day."

Eddie took a step towards him. "Buck, your friends and family here won't do that to you," he said firmly. "They're not dumb teenagers. They love you no matter what. Do you want me to go out there and come out first?"

"I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with," Buck said, wiping his eyes. "I just don't want to lose anyone else."

"You're not going to," Eddie said vehemently. "Buck – Evan. I love you. When I told you last night how I felt, I meant it. I'm fucking real about this. I want to be your boyfriend, okay? So that means us going on dates and not hiding anything. I will go out there right now and tell them to take the heat off you."

"Buck? Eddie?" Bobby called from the locker room. "What's going on?"

Eddie gazed at Buck beseechingly. "You can't ignore this."

He nodded, tears burning in his eyes. "I just feel stupid."

"I have your back," Eddie said fiercely. "You have me. Come on."

Wrestling with his emotions, he nodded again, and went to Eddie's side. Eddie took his hand and smiled up at him. "You got this," he said, lifting Buck's hand up so he could kiss his knuckles.

"Okay," Buck said, swallowing hard. "All right."

"Let's do this." Eddie led him out of the showers, still holding his hand.

Their friends were huddled near the trucks, all wearing matching expressions of worry and concern. Buck went to release Eddie's hand before they could see, but Eddie clung on, pushing open the door to the locker room and dragging Buck out.

"What's going?" Maddie demanded. "You're freaking us all out."

Buck couldn't speak around the lump in his throat, so Eddie said, "Big announcement. I'm bisexual."

Confused looks passed between everyone in the group. Chimney said quizzically, "Was that… was it a secret? Eddie, you haven't hidden it very well."

Eddie narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"You're always checking Buck out," Hen pointed out gently. "And you're holding his hand right now."

Maddie was focused on Buck, one arm wrapped around her stomach, the other hand pressed to her mouth. "Buck, are you – are you coming out as well?"

Eddie glanced at him, his eyebrows lifting affectionately, and with that little extra bit of courage Buck was able to say, his voice shaking, "Yeah, I am. I'm bi. Eddie asked me out."

Athena sucked in an excited breath, and then quickly shook her head, as though trying not to show too much delight.

Karen said quizzically, "Were you not already together? I thought you were together. You're always together!"

"No, this is very new," Hen said knowingly. "Very, very new."

"Last night," Eddie confirmed. "So that's it."

"No, that's not it," Chimney cut in. "There's something else going on. You said in the truck that someone was bothering you."

Buck and Eddie exchanged a look, and Buck finally said reluctantly, "I went on a date with a guy from the 136, and he wanted me to sleep with him, to win a bet, and… I said no. So now he's blowing up my phone."

"He's a firefighter? You can put in a complaint," Bobby said, his arms folded across his chest, gazing at Buck with concern. "Come on – you and I need to talk privately, and I'll make some calls. Bring your phone."

"No," Buck said quickly. "I just need to figure out how to tell him to fuck off. I don't want to be on the Chief's radar."

"But this man is harassing you," Athena pointed out. "You want to file a police report?"

"No, no. I just want him to stop and leave me alone."

As if on cue, his phone lit up again, and Eddie held it out so they could see the text.

_I bet the rollercoaster guy went splat when he hit the ground._

Bobby clenched his jaw, resting his hands on his hips. "Buck, you need to put in a complaint, right now."

"No," Buck insisted. "Maybe if I just talk to him—"

"Or I go around there and punch him in the face," Eddie said flatly.

Bobby took the phone from Eddie's hand, scrolling through the messages, shaking his head. "Buck, I'm going to have to do something about this."

"Give the phone to me," Maddie said impatiently, holding her hand out. Bobby reluctantly handed her the phone, exchanging a worried look with Athena. "He's my baby brother. I'll deal with this."

"Maddie," Chimney said nervously. "That's not a good idea."

"Oh you just wait," she practically snarled, putting the phone on speaker as she called Andy.

He answered smugly. "Oh, finally gave in, did you?"

Maddie said sharply, "Who the hell do you think you are?"

Everyone had different reactions almost instantaneously – Hen and Karen clutched each other, Athena's eyebrows shot up, Bobby covered his face with his hand, Chimney pressed both hands to the top of his head, Eddie snorted out a laugh and then clapped a hand over his mouth, and Buck pressed his head against Eddie's shoulder, mortified.

"Excuse me? Who the hell is this?"

"I'm your worst nightmare," Maddie snarled. "If you keep this up, we're going to the police. I'm pregnant and I will destroy you, so _back the fuck off._ "

Andy stammered, "Uh – um – who are you?"

"Does that even matter?" she demanded. "Who do you think you are, huh? You know this is more than enough evidence to have you arrested."

Buck glanced at Athena for confirmation - she shook her head, lips downturned disapprovingly.

"Arrested?" Andy squeaked. "I'm sorry, lady. I won't – I'm sorry."

"Yeah, you better be. If you send one more abusive message, we're going to the police. Go fuck yourself," she retorted, and ended the call. Upon realising everyone was gaping at her, she tossed her hair over her shoulder and said archly, "You never stop being a big sister - and I don't like bullies."

There was a stunned silence, before Athena cleared her throat and said, "Well. Okay. Buck, you let me know if he bothers you again."

"And me," Bobby said. "I still think you should put in a complaint, but I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to."

"I just want him to leave me alone," Buck replied, "or else he'll have to deal with Maddie again and he doesn't want that."

"You weren't going to stand up for yourself," she pointed out, "and I figured if Eddie got on the phone and started screaming at him it would only make things worse—"

"Hey," Eddie protested.

"But he wasn't expecting a pregnant lady with nothing to lose," she said smugly.

"Nothing to lose," Chimney objected. "Um, your baby? Me? Your friends? Family? Nothing to lose?!"

"You know what I meant," she complained, shoving him towards the stairs. "Go. I need to talk to Buck alone."

The rest of the group started towards the stairs, and Buck heard Karen say to Hen and Chimney, "Are you sure they weren't a couple before today?"

He managed a laugh, turning to Eddie, who was holding his hand tightly. "Go on."

"Just one sec." Eddie gave Maddie a nervous look. "Are you… is this okay?"

Maddie's eyebrows flew up. "You guys? Together? Of course!" she exclaimed. "Buck's had a crush on you since day one."

Eddie relaxed, and grinned. "He has?"

"Oh yeah, for sure. He's talked about you nonstop since the first day you met," she replied. "This was inevitable. I just thought you two would figure it out sooner."

Buck exchanged a look with Eddie, who leaned in and kissed his cheek. "I like you so much," he said to Maddie, who laughed. "But I _love_ your brother."

"Yeah, I know," she replied affectionately. "Give me a minute with him."

Eddie squeezed Buck's hand and then started to the stairs, taking them two at a time. Once they were alone, Maddie said quietly, "I wish you'd told me."

He shrugged, embarrassed. "You kinda already knew."

"I know, but… I really wanted you to trust me enough to tell me."

"I didn't tell anyone. Eddie didn't know until a few days ago. I just…" he let out a breath, shaking his head. "It didn't matter for a long time, and then it suddenly did."

"Because he loves you," she guessed, and he nodded, feeling as though he might cry. "And he does love you. He marched right out here and came out to make you feel comfortable."

"He didn't have to… I didn't ask him to do that," he said quickly. "I just… I was really scared."

"It's okay, Evan," she said quietly, taking his hands. "It'll be okay. I'm proud of you."

He let out a trapped breath, and smiled at her. "Thanks."

"Any time," she said. "I can still look out for you. I'll always be your big sister."

"I think you can take a step back," he said, nodding at her belly. "I think I might be okay."

"Yeah, we'll see."

~

Maddie seemed to have put the fear of god into Andy, as the messages stopped completely, and Buck breathed a sigh of relief. He was happy to put it behind him, because he had a _boyfriend._

And his boyfriend was the loveliest man on the planet – Buck had long suspected Eddie had a predisposition for sweetness, and sure enough, once they were official, and in a relationship, that long-dormant side of him emerged like a bear waking up from hibernation. Whether it was the little things he did, like making sure that Buck's favourite foods were stocked at his house, or constantly finding ways to touch him and be near, or even the way they could just be silent together sometimes. Eddie seemed to know exactly what he needed at any given time.

What Eddie needed was out loud declarations of love, and Buck was more than happy to oblige. Eddie liked to hear the words said aloud; would preen and practically purr when Buck whispered in his ear. Eddie liked making out furiously after Christopher was in bed; he liked to tug at Buck's clothes and put his hands on skin – he liked having his ears nibbled on and loved having his back scratched, so Buck did all the time, as much as possible. Eddie would practically melt under his touch.

And then, while they were at work on Wednesday, a text popped up on Buck's phone, from Eddie – who was standing in the kitchen while Buck was hanging out on the lounge with Chimney and Hen.

_Want to go out on a date with me? Friday night – I'll pick u up at yours, 7pm. Wear something nice._

Buck looked over at him, raising his eyebrows. Eddie smirked, leaning on the kitchen bench, and held up his phone pointedly.

Buck sent a text back – _I'm in. No sushi. You know I hate those places._

He heard Eddie laugh from the kitchen, and another message popped up. _Nope – we're going fancy. You'll love it._

~

He wore his nicest shirt – dark blue – and a pair of black trousers that had been sitting in his wardrobe for a couple of years. Eddie knocked on the door promptly at 7pm, and Buck opened it to find him in a black suit with a crisp white shirt underneath. Buck's jaw fell open, and he quickly had to recover. "You look… _good_."

Eddie smirked at him. "So do you. Let's go. We've got a reservation."

Tension was high as they drove to the restaurant – some kind of fancy Spanish place with trays of tiny food and big bottles of wine. They had a table near the back of the restaurant, with a flickering candle, and Eddie ordered some red wine for them after consulting the wine menu, which Buck found very sexy.

He then looked at his menu and realised it was entirely in Spanish, and winced. "Oh god. I'm rusty."

"I could help," Eddie offered, arching an eyebrow at him.

"No, I got this. It's been a while since I was speaking Spanish regularly but I'm going to give a shot." Buck ran his eyes over the menu, picked out a word he recognised – paella – and said, "Paella, it's the paella for me."

Eddie laughed at him. "Seafood paella?"

"Yep. You?"

"Parillada de Carne," Eddie replied, "and some bread to start."

"Trying to fatten me up with carbs," Buck murmured. "I see you."

"We'll work them off later," Eddie said matter-of-factly, a devilish grin on his face.

Buck arched his eyebrows. "Is this all to get me into bed? I've been at your house every night this week."

"And you think you being so close all the time hasn't slowly been killing me?" Eddie asked. "Because I'm dying. Are you happy?"

Laughing, he said, "Well, I mean… you're pretty handsy all the time."

"I wanted to take you on a date first," Eddie said firmly. "And then I'm gonna blow your mind."

"Big talk."

"You ain't seen big yet, babe," Eddie murmured, consulting his menu.

Buck smirked. "I can't wait."

~

Maybe they rushed dinner – it was nice, but their feet were tangled together under the table and Eddie kept eyeing him, popping a couple of shirt buttons open. It had been over a year since he had sex so he was painfully hard as they drove back to the loft, silently, and all he could think about was getting his hands and mouth all over Eddie's beautiful body.

Once the door to the loft slammed shut, Eddie's lips were on his, exchanging desperate kisses as they practically ripped their clothes off. Buck pushed Eddie up against the wall first, and then grunted when Eddie turned the tables on him and backed him up against the kitchen island.

He wasn't sure how they made it up the stairs, but when they finally fell into bed and Eddie slipped on top of him, all warm, golden skin, kissing as though his life depended on it, Buck realised how _right_ it felt. Them, together, as though they were always meant to be. It was as if the world had been out of alignment and was suddenly snapped into place; the two of them fitting together like pieces of a puzzle.

To say that Eddie blew his mind was an understatement, but he'd never give him the satisfaction of admitting it.

And then, as the first early morning rays of light filled the room, they curled up together, face-to-face, and Eddie murmured, "I love you so much."

For what felt like the first time in his whole life, Buck felt safe, secure and loved. He stroked his finger along Eddie's cheek and said, "I love you too."

It was all he'd ever wanted, and so much more.

-the end-

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to Kat ([cinematicnomad](https://cinematicnomad.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr) for your help with this one! ❤
> 
> Title is from [The Long & Winding Road](https://youtu.be/fR4HjTH_fTM) by the Beatles
> 
> Talk to me @ Tumblr: [woodchoc-magnum](https://woodchoc-magnum.tumblr.com/)


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